A Bwog Writer considers disturbing trends in the geometric community.

(This article is sponsored by Perimeters Quarterly™)

“Where are the shapes?

O, where are the shapes?

You, circles, arches radiant!

Softly, now.”

Troilus and Cressida, William Shakespeare

We have reached a point where acknowledging lines as parallel is tantamount to telling lies. Whence do these notions arise? Who spews such dreck? Godmothers of the field have for years picked vertices up for less! The only ones who still demand proof are takers. The strong, the few, the proud know better than to turn trifles into proportions.

I arrive at my point: Lawns have velocity. Movingness, the Dutch say, is inherent. And what stands still—here!—is not being, but parallel. Confusing? Parallel places—or Things, stuff, genera—take my word for it—is not—I say—not!—repeating myself—truth!

Must I demonstrate? Take you your poets, priests, and politicians (de do do do, and all that). Take however many of them as you can. Then think. The shapes. “Where are the shapes?” speaks the Bard. The Greeks had all of these peoplesfolk (sans priests) and for what? Where is the Athenian spirit now? The lines may cross and zag, and they will do all kinds of things for you—even Zig—but they will never be. The Dutch cry (aghast, of course) from all sides: “movingness.”

Now I think you understand. Now you think along my lines—the fault lines (the Pacific, notwithstanding). Nietzsche in rags—callous, but never shallow.

On to the campus.

The lawns, they have said, have no motion. They have shape. But as has been said, “lawns have velocity.” And so I say, “So too do they have shape.” Knowing such, we will examine them.

You stare with blank eyes. You won’t for long. We yawn at whæt’s closest—remember.

Now look at the motionaals.


1. The Field in Front of Butler

Routine, huh? You cross this every day? Wrong! It is a triangle.

2. The Field in Front of the Math Building

It is not!

Thus you have seen that it is a star.

3. Where Cold Winds Blow

Yes, the patch of grass in Broadway is not Columbia’s, but it is a geometric.


4. The Last, God Willing

The field is shaped.

It is actually a thought bubble.

All Pictures via Columbia