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To All The Boys At The Frat House Door

A Bwogger ruminates on the Columbia frat scene and the brothers that welcome us into it.

To all the boys at the frat house door,

 

You occupy such a weird niche in the Columbia social scene. You are St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, determining who gets to enter what we consider to be a good party at this school. Say what you want about frat culture, but the brothers are currently leading the resistance to the Columbia War on Fun. For that, I thank you. Where else can I drink jungle juice and dance to throwbacks, and deftly avoid people who I haven’t spoken to since NSOP, all without a fake ID?

 

But to those of you stationed at the door, I have to ask you about your methods. It takes a special blend of crowd control/logistics/party planning/objectification to decide who is allowed entrance. Some of you do this with grace, citing fire codes and maximum occupancies while chatting pleasantly to the shivering hordes waiting on the stoop (Sometimes, I’ve even gotten snacks from frat brothers while in line. I highly recommend this maneuver, 5/5 stars). But, some of you do not possess this gravitas. You seem to relish yelling at the crowd. Is this a fun power trip for you? Screaming at people to get on the other side of the street? Is this a reflection of a deeper insecurity? Or perhaps a concerning manifestation of toxic masculinity? It is just a party, my dude. To quote Kourtney Kardashian, “There’s people that are people dying. (sic)” To all the boys at the frat house door, I hope that one day you can find peace. And, maybe be a little nicer to the people who are willing to pay actual money to get into your party. 

 

With love,

A Bwogger

Frat row via Flickr

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4 Comments

  • Let’s Be Real says:

    @Let’s Be Real Dear Barnard girl who wrote this:

    This is surprisingly lazy writing, chock full of predictable nonsense. After making it through the first two sentences, the countdown to accusations of insecurity was on. As expected, a boring question about toxic masculinity followed.

    The party is full, lady. And, if you were good friends with those inside or if you were really hot, you’d be inside.

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  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Beta is the only fraternity that charges people at the door. If that’s who you’re criticizing, post a picture of 114th street, not of the other houses on 113th who put a lot of time and effort into balancing a great time and noise complaints from neighbors who are just trying to go to sleep.

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  • formerFratDoorBouncer says:

    @formerFratDoorBouncer As a former frat doorman, my small defense is that on days of real people movement, like bacchanal, the life of a frat doorman isn’t easy.

    We want to be nice. But we’ve already had Public Safety called on us, we’ve had to turn away our acquaintances in order to maintain the veneer of even-handed line maintenance, and we’d like to get back to the party ourselves but we’ve been forced to this position by our superior brothers. When people we don’t know both demand entrance to our home while failing to acquiesce to our simple request to our simple request to keep the sidewalk clear, err we run afoul of Public Safety anew, we resort to more desperate tactics. We go from asking to cajoling, until the rage consumes us and we spew vitriol to keep our inmates in check. Finally, we give up, call in backup and then run upstairs to smoke a bowl and atone for outburst.

    Also, we’re not allowed to accept money for our parties, who be doing that?

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous THANK YOU

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