Connect with us

All Articles

Housing Reviews 2020: Your Dream Dorm

All we want is a mansion for a dorm, is that so hard to ask?

Location: Somewhere close to campus but in an area that’s so removed it’s as if you don’t actually live near campus.

  • Nearby Dorms: Just the dorms your friends live in.
  • Stores and Restaurants: Your door is actually a portal that you can use to teleport yourself to other stores and restaurants. Who needs the train?

Cost: Free!


  • Bathrooms: You have your own bathroom.
  • AC/Heating: You have both!
  • Kitchen: You have your own kitchen which doubles as a majestic dining room.
  • Lounge: You have a living room for entertaining.
  • Laundry: There’s a conveyor belt that conveniently runs throughout the house to the washing machines and you can deposit your laundry onto it this way.
  • Computers/Printing: There’s a computer right by the entrance with unlimited ink and paper for printing.
  • Fire Escapes: All the ones you could ever want.
  • Gym: Optionally available in the basement.
  • Bike Storage: Also optionally available.
  • Intra-transportation: Since you’re living in a 10-floor building, you have five elevators at your disposal. There are no stairs.
  • Hardwood/Carpet: Both! If you don’t like one option, don’t use those rooms!
  • Bonus: You’re living in your dream dorm.

Room Variety:

  • Your entire space is a single.
  • No doubles, but you can turn half of the building into a second room if you want to.
  • No walk-through doubles because that’s no one’s first choice.


  • Guaranteed to get in in your mind, but not in real life.

Bwog Recommendation:

Your dream dorm is the best place to live. You don’t need to worry about neighbors and you can just kick back and relax. If you don’t like anything, just change it! No one will stop you. Did I mention this is your dream dorm?

Resident Opinions:

  • “This isn’t a real dorm.”
  • “I often travel to this dorm in my head when I’m waiting for the slow elevators in Hartley.”
  • “I approve of the five elevators because I get enough exercise walking up the stairs in Hamilton.”
  • “Too much space and unrealistic expectations.”

No pictures of the dorm because it’s in your… imagination. But the featured image is courtesy of Pixabay

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.


Have Your Say

What should Bwog's new tagline be?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Recent Comments

I seriously believe that Fiji members should read some books. Do you all even know what culture it? (read more)
Racist Messages In FIJI GroupMe Surface, Involved Members Asked To Disaffiliate
June 3, 2020
People please send all the screenshots of Fiji douchebags being racist/sexist and asshole to recruiters at all the big companies (read more)
Racist Messages In FIJI GroupMe Surface, Involved Members Asked To Disaffiliate
June 3, 2020
There is not a single fraternity on campus that has not made me or my close friends uncomfortable--maybe with the (read more)
Racist Messages In FIJI GroupMe Surface, Involved Members Asked To Disaffiliate
June 3, 2020

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel