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How To Impress Your Class Crush On Zoom

Need to impress someone in your class but struggling with the restrictions of distance and quarantine? We’ve gotcha covered.

It’s hard enough to impress your crush in class when you’re on campus, what with thinking of clever ice breakers and designing eye-catching fits. Zoom only complicates things more by giving you the bare minimum of interaction opportunities. Fortunately, we’ve rounded up the best ways to take advantage of these opportunities:

  • Bite your lip while making eye contact with the camera.
  • Change your nickname to the ship name of you and your crush.
  • “Accidentally” unmute yourself during class with their favorite song playing in your room.
  • ZM (Zoom message) them compliments and jokes. (Sure your prof might get a report of all the messages later, maybe they’ll ship you and put you into a breakout room together!)
  • Eat oysters during class. Oysters are an aphrodisiac.
  • Set your background as your most tasteful nude.
  • Have your camera turned off for the entire class EXCEPT when they are speaking.
  • Apply lip balm during class, using the camera as a mirror.
  • Wear exercise clothes and make sure you have just a few glistening beads of sweat on your collar bone.
  • Sit in natural light, especially if your class takes place during golden hour.
  • Turn on the webcam beauty filter.
  • Make sure the angle of the camera is flattering (i.e. the camera looks down at you, you do not look down at the camera).
  • Stand up during class to reveal you are wearing no pants.
  • Spend the entire class staring at them and sketching their face (they won’t be able to tell you’re watching them!). Afterwards, send them the masterpiece with no explanation.
  • Set your background as your favorite picture from their Instagram.
  • Wear a really impressive fit to the class every day it meets.
  • Show your pet in the video as much as possible.
  • Text them before class and ask if they want to click the Zoom link at the same time as you so y’all can sit next to each other.
  • Make a powerpoint of why you two would make a good couple and screen share during class.
  • Have the camera positioned to your good side and make flirty eyes with the camera.
  • Pop off with the intellectual commentary. Just because classes are remote now doesn’t mean you’re trying any less, right!!?
  • Have a parent or sibling barge into your room saying that Obama is on the phone and wants to speak with you.
  • Send them this article with a winky face emoji. ;)


photo via flickr

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1 Comment

  • Daliah says:

    @Daliah I wouldn’t let my class see my thong tho ;-;

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