Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

Back Of The Envelope: What’s The Chance We Are Coming Back To Campus In The Fall?

Bwog Staffer Solomia Dzhaman uses her remaining brain cells to tell you how likely you are to end up on campus in September. 

Classes end on May 15th and begin on September 8th, which gives us 116 days between when we are supposed to finish school, and when we are supposed to begin.

In their hit TV series, Phineas and Ferb claimed that there are 104 days of summer vacation.

116 – 104 = 12

12 backward is 21.

21% of New Yorkers have tested positive for Coronavirus antibodies. That’s a lot.

Our average distance from Alma is 4,300 miles.

The walking speed of a human is 3.1 miles per hour, which means it will take us 1387.1 hours, or 57.8 days to walk to campus from our locations.

57.8 days is 15.8% of the year.

21% + 15.8% = 36.8%

You may think we are done, but we haven’t factored in error.

I got a 55% on my first multi midterm. That means I am pretty bad at math.

55% of 36.8% is 20.2%

Luckily the class is curved. The curvature of the earth is 8 inches / mile. There are 63360 inches in a mile.

8 / 63360 = 1.2% That’s kinda small, so let’s multiply it by 10 and get 12%

20.2% +12% =  32.2%

PrezBo has 6 letters, and PrezBei has 7.  They control the universe.

6 + 7 = 13

32.2 + 13 = 45.2%

I’m feeling kinda shitty today, so I’ll round down to 44%

Thus, according to all known mathematical laws, there is a 44% chance that we are returning to campus. Please plan accordingly.

header via Public Domain Pictures

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

Have Your Say

What should Bwog's new tagline be?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...

Popular This Week

Sorry. No data so far.

Recent Comments

Friedman labeled the Public Safety Dept as “racist” for the incident of April 2019. Good riddance!! (read more)
Dean Natalie Friedman To Leave Barnard
May 27, 2020
Ah, yes. Cornell University. Ah, yes yes. Such wonderful trees. You have done it again, BOGW. (read more)
How To Relive Columbia Arbor Day At Home
May 27, 2020
Can you prove that (read more)
Fake It Till You Make It
May 25, 2020
And after she was treated soooo well by Barnard too ;) Lucky POSSE. (read more)
Dean Natalie Friedman To Leave Barnard
May 25, 2020

Comment Policy

The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
  • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
  • Hate speech
  • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
  • Personal information about an individual
  • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
  • Spam or self-promotion
  • Copyright infringement
  • Libel