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Back Of The Envelope: What’s The Chance We Are Coming Back To Campus In The Fall?

Bwog Staffer Solomia Dzhaman uses her remaining brain cells to tell you how likely you are to end up on campus in September. 

Classes end on May 15th and begin on September 8th, which gives us 116 days between when we are supposed to finish school, and when we are supposed to begin.

In their hit TV series, Phineas and Ferb claimed that there are 104 days of summer vacation.

116 – 104 = 12

12 backward is 21.

21% of New Yorkers have tested positive for Coronavirus antibodies. That’s a lot.

Our average distance from Alma is 4,300 miles.

The walking speed of a human is 3.1 miles per hour, which means it will take us 1387.1 hours, or 57.8 days to walk to campus from our locations.

57.8 days is 15.8% of the year.

21% + 15.8% = 36.8%

You may think we are done, but we haven’t factored in error.

I got a 55% on my first multi midterm. That means I am pretty bad at math.

55% of 36.8% is 20.2%

Luckily the class is curved. The curvature of the earth is 8 inches / mile. There are 63360 inches in a mile.

8 / 63360 = 1.2% That’s kinda small, so let’s multiply it by 10 and get 12%

20.2% +12% =  32.2%

PrezBo has 6 letters, and PrezBei has 7.  They control the universe.

6 + 7 = 13

32.2 + 13 = 45.2%

I’m feeling kinda shitty today, so I’ll round down to 44%

Thus, according to all known mathematical laws, there is a 44% chance that we are returning to campus. Please plan accordingly.

header via Public Domain Pictures

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