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Official Bwog Ranking Of Bubly Flavors

Diana Center Café aficionados Eliza Staples and Vivian Zhou delve deep on their opinions of Bubly sparkling water. If you have any issues with these rankings, you’re wrong. 

If you’ve ever eaten at Diana using a swipe, then you’ve come across the colorful display of Bubly sparkling water. Maybe you’ve glossed passed it and decided to get a still Dasani instead, or maybe you decided to be adventurous. Maybe you’re just watching your weight and looking to have a hint of flavor for 0 calories. Nonetheless, after collecting months of data from millions of students (just kidding, but these are our completely unbiased opinions), here is the only acceptable ranking of Bubly flavors: 

1. Michael

  • The best Bublé there is.
  • I’m sorry, but have you seen this??

2. Lime

  • A classic seltzer flavor and Bubly somewhat nails it. 
  • Snazzy enough to be refreshing, but the flavor does not overpower the rest of your Diana meal.
  • Tastes like Sprite, but more like 2% sprite mixed with 98% sparkling water.
  • Overall, a refreshing experience, and the best use of your Diana swipe.

3. Grapefruit

  • Like Lime’s cool, more sophisticated older sibling. 
  • This can is without a doubt the prettiest color.
  • Some people complain that this flavor is bitter, but that’s because they are still children and have never had a grown-up drink.
  • Grapefruit soda is most definitely the most mature and cool fruit soda you can ever drink (see: Paloma), and this is an extremely light version with no calories.

4. Lemon

  • The lowest-ranked of the citrus siblings.
  • As a popular seltzer flavor, it promises a lot, and delivers little.
  • Generally inoffensive, unless you commonly associate lemons with cleaning agents.
  • Imagine heavily diluted Lysol that you briefly shook up, and then left to ferment.
  • According to some, it tastes like dishwashing soap, but to others, it just tastes like a very light lemon water.

5. Blackberry

  • Disclosure: this flavor is not commonly available at Diana.
  • There have been rave reviews from people who have actually gotten their hands on it.

6. Strawberry

  • Tastes like a childhood candy, but in the form of sparkling water. 
  • A very good choice if in your childhood, you enjoyed the lingering taste of your own spit after having a strawberry candy. It tastes just like that, but with even less flavor. 
  • Tastes like someone left a singular strawberry candy in a huge jug of sparkling water.
  • Also a good choice if you enjoy drinking a watered down syrup. 

7. Mango

  • Mango is the best fruit in the world, but the nuances of its flavor do not translate well to seltzer. 
  • When they make this flavor, they just wave an unripe mango over the can.
  • Tastes very very artificial. 
  • Similar notes as strawberry, but even worse.

Tied for last: Apple and Peach

  • Apple seltzer is so disappointing. You think it’s going to be sparkling apple cider, but it simply is not. None of that sweet Martinelli’s taste for you — just crushing disappointment
  • Apple tastes a bit like the Apple Smirnoff that you used to chug in freshman year. If that isn’t bad enough, this version doesn’t even get you drunk. 
  • There is something about the fake peach taste that really accentuates the taste of the metal can.
  • Peach tastes like a middle schooler sprayed victoria’s secret perfume in a can of sparkling water.
  • Why would you willingly drink perfume? 

In general, we would say that Bubly has more flavor and is thus better than other sparkling waters (ahem, LaCroix). The zero-calorie sparkling water industry is very successful in beautifying their cans to appeal to people seeking a nice, refreshing drink, only to let you down to the ground with its bland taste.

And finally, as Kanye West famously said,

“When the first time they ask you if you want sparklin’ or still?
Why you tryna act like you was drinkin’ sparklin’ water ‘fore you came out here?”

Three bublys in a pod via Vivian

 

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