First-year Panu Hejmadi gives new students an in-depth, articulate tour of Barnard College as the most reliable tour guide that has ever been on Barnard’s campus. After all, there is nothing more objective than a perspective that is delivered by distancing yourself from the subject matter. And I’m only a comfortable nineteen hour and twenty-five-minute flight away.
Welcome to Barnard! I will be your tour guide this morning/afternoon/evening/midnight—depending on your timezone, of course. Count on me to give you a very comprehensive introduction to our
campus (please don’t).
First off, there’s Milbank Hall. We’ve got to start here because this is also Barnard’s oldest building—there was even a time where this was the only building for our undergraduates to function out of. Also, The garden out front is really pretty and looks incredible in pictures. Yes, I do fantasize daily about sitting on that cozy bench, reading off my laptop, and making notes in a bright-orange notebook on the side. No, I don’t think I’ll get to live it out within the next 4 months, but a girl can dream.
Side note: Milbank Hall is not to be confused with The Milstein Centre. Imagine my utter confusion when a Barnard student in this Youtube video said that Milstein was built when she was a freshman. I now know with certainty that Barnard was not founded in 2018—and you’re welcome for the clarification.
Right across from Milbank, is the Diana Centre. Now, I hate to confess: but I don’t really know what happens inside the Diana Centre. What I can tell you, from my carefully curated knowledge of Greek and Roman mythology (thank you, Percy Jackson), is that Diana is the Roman equivalent of the Greek Goddess, Artemis. And Artemis was one badass woman—who simultaneously was the Goddess of the Hunt, the Moon, and the Underworld, as well as the deity of childbirth and “crossroads.” Just another
multi-faceted woman to be inspired by on the Barnard campus!
Also, I hear that the Diana Centre makes a mean smoothie that has the ability to literally bring your soul to life. Maybe the smoothie is related to Diana the hunting goddess and her wilderness magic—but again, I wouldn’t know, I’ve never been.
Our next stop is riiiight at the other end of campus, all the way at the Quad. Most of the buildings here are residential halls, that also double as cozy study spaces and exciting dining halls. And goddamn, have you ever seen these spaces? All of them seem to have an equally enticing fuzzy light and a characteristically archaic nature that almost makes them look like a Hogwarts common room. The basement of Barnard Hall has Hewitt and its wide variety of food. Brooks has a piano lounge. Sulzberger has aIR-cOndiTioNing–as Sulz residents never let you forget. Also, apparently, there’s a magical place, in one of these buildings, called Well Woman that offers free tea and chocolate and massage chairs? It’s concepts like these that make me convinced that Barnard is a fictional place that my parents made up in order to get me to move out of the house.
Sources: Izzy from Izzy Snapshots, Google Street View, and the 5 upperclassmen that I’ve talked to so far.
good old Barnard gates via Bwarchives
a beautifully edited map of Barnard via Bwogger/Barnard