Another day, another Facebook post in my class Facebook advertising a club meeting.

With the start of the new school year comes another club recruiting season. Endless Facebook posts, freshmen with high hopes, and emails from a club you signed up for last year but never attended are all to be expected. I’m sure there’s advice for dealing with all that somewhere else. But club leaders, I’ve got your back. With this countdown of the top five worst ways to recruit, I’m sure your club will have a fantastic new year!

5. NYC Not-Carrier Pigeons. For those young and naive newcomers to NYC, here’s a life lesson. NYC pigeons are not dainty little carrier pigeons. You can’t hand them a piece of bread and in exchange ask them to send around flyers for your club. This isn’t Hogwarts. These pigeons don’t give a damn about you, though they definitely will take whatever food sacrifices you offer them. If you take this route, be prepared to get a whole lot of attitude in return (and also pooped on).

4. On Tinder. To be fair, I think I have seen a Tinder profile for the Fordham University Women’s Rugby team, and honestly that was super cute! But matching with someone as your normal self only to respond to their generic “hey” with a rant on your club probably isn’t the sexiest move. 

3. On an NYC billboard. This normally could be iconic (or just extremely over the top), but this year more than half of the student body won’t even have a chance of seeing it. Take notes, though. This approach may work in a few years’ time.

2. Zoom-bombing a lecture. Professors seem to have a disproportionate amount of anxiety about this happening since it rarely seems to, but your club is no excuse to create your professor’s worst nightmare. 

1. By hosting an in-person party. This one isn’t a joke at all. There’s a literally pandemic going on. Recruiting for your club is not worth potentially causing a campus outbreak. This is the least cool move ever, and I will fight you if you disagree.

Image via Bwog Archives