Menu CATEGORIES

Connect with us

CATEGORIES Menu
All Articles

What Should CU’s Admissions Criteria Really Be

The SAT and ACT suck. They have problematic histories and are not good metrics of students’ qualifications. Because of the pandemic, Columbia and Barnard have temporarily seen the light and gone test-optional. But with no test scores required, how should Columbia and Barnard choose whom to admit? Bwog Staff has some ideas:

Embrace Randomness:

-Pick names out of a hat until all available slots are filled.

-Use a random word generator. Write down the first two results. Students whose full names use the majority of the letters in those two random words will be admitted.

-A Hunger Games style lottery

-Only students who mention their grandmothers in their college essays

Evaluate If They Have What It Takes To Attend CU:

-Call all students in the middle of the night. Whoever picks up the phone has demonstrated true commitment and is now a member of the CU community.

-Hold a cry off: Every applicant is given a bucket and an hour to cry into it. The students who fill their buckets can attend.

-All applicants are forced to squish roaches in Hartley for exactly 60 seconds. Students who squish the most roaches and show no fear have earned their spot.

-Move the swim test from a graduation requirement to an admissions requirement.

Test Their Skills:

-Make them interpret PrezBo’s emails. If they succeed, they get in (and then they can translate the emails for me).

-Have a bluff off. Whoever can most convincingly spew BS for the longest will thrive in Lit Hum and has talent (but also is probably really annoying).

-Make them navigate their way across NYC with no map or cellphone. If you can get from Staten Island to Low Library before nightfall, you’re a real New Yorker and a Columbia admit.

-Host a speed reading competition as Roar, Lion, Roar is sung by a gaggle of drunk students. I’m not sure what skill this takes—I just want to be a fool in front of a bunch of scared prospective students.

Welcome to Columbia via Bwog Archives

Click to show comments
3 Comments

Write a comment

Your email address will not be published.

 

3 Comments

  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Doing well on the SAT/ACT and other standardized tests is a necessary but not sufficient condition for being able to succeed at an elite institution. If a person can’t handle a simple standardized test, they should not be at CU.

    Dismissing the tests as “problematic” is not an argument and does not refute the above point.

    3
    1
  • Anonymous says:

    @Anonymous Columbia should choose the best and the brightest students with the most potential without regard to race, creed, color, religion.

    1. Anonymous says:

      @Anonymous idk man hunger games sounds kinda sick

      3
      3
  • Ad

    Have Your Say

    What should Bwog's new tagline be?

    View Results

    Loading ... Loading ...

    Recent Comments

    That’s wifey right there (read more)
    Dress Up As Alma (And Other Statues) For Halloween
    October 29, 2020
    funny, can write, AND can model? a triple threat (read more)
    Dress Up As Alma (And Other Statues) For Halloween
    October 29, 2020
    omg! this is such a great article! (read more)
    Dress Up As Alma (And Other Statues) For Halloween
    October 29, 2020
    Magnolia Bakery was here in DC at Union Station. They have been closed since the pandemic which I found out (read more)
    An Ode To Magnolia Bakery’s Banana Pudding
    October 29, 2020

    Comment Policy

    The purpose of Bwog’s comment section is to facilitate honest and open discussion between members of the Columbia community. We encourage commenters to take advantage of—without abusing—the opportunity to engage in anonymous critical dialogue with other community members. A comment may be moderated if it contains:
    • A slur—defined as a pejorative derogatory phrase—based on ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation, ability, or spiritual belief
    • Hate speech
    • Unauthorized use of a person’s identity
    • Personal information about an individual
    • Baseless personal attacks on specific individuals
    • Spam or self-promotion
    • Copyright infringement
    • Libel
    • COVID-19 misinformation