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What’s REALLY In The Orgo Lab Kits: An “Investigation”

A completely understandable snafu in trying to manage the logistics of sending hundreds of students around the world some plastic tubes? Or a coverup?

On Tuesday, August 11th, students registered for this semester’s Organic Chemistry lab course received an email asking for their mailing addresses. Per the email, kits with lab materials would be shipped to students so that they could perform parts of the course’s experiments from home.

This being an Organic Chemistry lab course, some students were understandably worried. What would be in the kits? Glassware? Toxic substances? Material that might harm pets or kids by mere exposure? What would be in the kits?

Students were reassured that there was nothing to be afraid of. There would be no glassware, just plastic; there would be no dangerous chemicals, just water-soluble material. And yet…

…many students have still not gotten their kits. Students have been told that there’s a “delay.” Why? No one knows. The class will continue on without the kits, but such a lengthened delay for what should be an otherwise benign set of materials begs the question once again:

What’s REALLY in the kits?

Our staff has been on the case for about a week, racking (read: haphazardly rummaging through) our brains for theories. And now, like any scientist worth their salt, we present our findings to you. Here’s what (we think) Orgo students are actually receiving in the mail:

  • a care package replete with PrezBo’s homemade brownies
  • a couple of box tops
  • a coupon to Whole Foods because… organic
  • a latte from Joe
  • a lock of PrezBo’s hair
  • a portal to Columbia :,(
  • all the premeds are actually on a hyper-accelerated track, you’re all getting cadavers
  • anthrax
  • empty promises from Columbia
  • iPads
  • meth lab to help you pay your student contribution
  • the Holy Grail
  • the unidentified alien from the movie Life
  • thumbtack (sans Ferris potatoes)
  • unlabeled vials of suspicious liquid
  • vials of blood
  • weed, obviously

Oh, and here’s a list of what students are actually, actually getting (at least in the lab for the one-semester sequence). Should’ve mentioned this sooner!

  • Goggles (inside large Ziploc bag)
  • Gloves, at least 5 pairs (inside large Ziploc bag)
  • Aprons, at least 5 (inside large Ziploc bag)
  • Stand – needs to be assembled
  • Ring Support
  • 100 mL Beaker
  • 250 mL Beaker
  • Long Stem Funnel
  • Separatory Funnel
  • Digital Scale
  • Test Tube Rack
  • Thermometer
  • Filter Paper, 150 mm, at least 6 pieces (inside the large manila envelope)
  • Silica TLC plate, at least 6 plates (inside the small manila envelope)
  • 10 mL graduated cylinder (inside small Ziploc bag)
  • Test tube clamp (inside small Ziploc bag)
  • Ruler (inside small Ziploc bag)
  • Forceps (inside small Ziploc bag)
  • Weighing boats, at least 6 (inside small Ziploc bag)
  • Pipets with bulb, at least 5 (inside small Ziploc bag)
  • Test tubes, at least 10 (inside small Ziploc bag)
  • Capillary tubes, at least 8 (inside small Ziploc bag)

Header via Pixabay

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