“Oh, to be as carefree as a newborn infant,” is a thought Bwogger Sydney Contreras has at least 5 times a day. But besides 10-15 years and enormous amounts of stress, is there actually a difference between you and your five-year-old self??

As I downloaded a childlock to my phone last Saturday evening to effectively ground myself while studying for finals, I found that the answer is actually: n o. 

In the years between kindergarten and the start of college, we do not “grow up” or “mature” in any meaningful way so much as transform into five-year-olds with much less supervision that we truly do NOT deserve.

Like, honestly. What do we spend our time doing???

  • Napping. So much. Way more than we should. Consciousness is a curse.
  • Eating comfort foods. There’s something about grilled cheese that boosts the serotonin.
    • Or alternately, forgetting to eat altogether! We do NOT know how to take care of ourselves!!
  • S c r e a m i n g. Because we must!
  • Crying! A lot!
  • Getting distracted, constantly; what’s an attention span again??
    • I must revisit the childlock… I really don’t have a crumb of self control and I refuse to believe that anyone else does! Who are you lying to?? Hm??

We are tired, needy little gremlins!! Let’s be honest!!

It’s true, we do have access to new freedoms including:

  • Access to illegal substances
  • Money™
  • (I really can’t think of anything else that drastically lessens the burden of existing, I won’t lie.)

HOWEVER, with these freedoms we see that nothing (Nothing!!!) actually changes:

  •  When incapacitated by illegal substances is there anything actually separating you from your five-year-old self?
    • The messy drunks of the world ARE overgrown toddlers who just need to have the vomit wiped from their faces.
  • If I have access to more than five dollars at a time I WILL spend it and anyone who says they’d “save it” or be “responsible” is lying to themselves!

No growth, only baby!

The circle of life via Bwog Illustrator Shane Maughn