Staff Writer Sydney Contreras, who is currently taking three English classes and hasn’t taken math in three years, tries to calculate just how much reading she has done this semester.

The Iliad = 527 pages of excruciating pain

Class 1 = 150 pages per class (on average), 2 classes a week ⇒ 300 pages per week.

Class 2 = 100 pages per class (on average), 2 classes a week ⇒ 200 pages per week.

Class 3 = 20 pages per week (on average)

300 + 200 + 20 = 520 pages per week.

That is way too fucking close to an entire Iliad a week and I just now realized this. I am now feeling less bad about the number of times I have cried over how much reading I have to do.

We have been in school for nine weeks. However, I will add four weeks for emotional distress and a serious lack of reading comprehension skills because time isn’t real anyway.

This is roughly 13 Iliads so far. 

The semester has about five weeks left. Everyone knows that the last five weeks of the semester are extra miserable. I will thus add three weeks for mental breakdowns, considerations of a change in major, dropping out, etc. 

This means I will read roughly 17 Iliads too many by the time this semester has finally ended.

However, every English major knows that reading doesn’t stop when you put down the godforsaken PDFs!

So I will continue to add, in order to make this less more realistic.

I read approximately 1000 words of texts a day. Yes, this is an overestimate because no, I do not actually have friends.

1000 words are approximately four pages (double-spaced). 4 * 30 * 3.5 = 420 pages of text messages in the course of the semester. 

I also get around 20 bullshit emails a day that I always read for some unknown reason. If I estimate each email to be one page, that is 20 * 30 * 3.5 = 2100 pages of emails in the course of the semester. 

2100 + 420 = 2520

2520 / 527 = 4.78 ⇒ 5 additional Iliads.

5 + 17 =  a grand total of 22 Iliads.

Wow. I wonder how much of any of that bullshit I actually absorb. This also may or may not be the most math I have done in the past semester month.

I am losing braincells every single day via Bwog Archives