You know the types. The overused phrases and how certain majors and clubs just can’t help but sound like a broken record. If you’ve said or done some of these things, that’s fine, just don’t say it more than once a week… please.

We get it, you’re a Sus Dev/ Environmental Science major!

If y’all sip from that Nalgene/ Hydroflask and side-eyeing me as I drink from my non-reusable Ferris cup and non-reusable Ferris paper plate I’ll commit the ultimate sin of using a plastic non-reusable straw.

We get it, you’re a Stats major!

If you’re going to be the next Steve Kornacki, text me. I mean it. Bwog has nothing but love for our chartthrobs-to-be! 

We get it, you’re in a Club!

Clubs are really competitive at this godforsaken school and so I know it’s a proud moment when you’re finally in one. Especially a club that’ll be a really great way to get to 500+ connections on LinkedIn and help you finally land that dream internship, but your aunt from home probably doesn’t care to see you post about events your club is hosting. Certainly not every week at least! #rushbwog.

We get it, you’re a CC freshman!

But your instagram post about LitHum is overdone. So is a pan of Low and captioning it “low beach!!” with the starry-eyed emoji. Yet we all do it.

We get it, you’re a Psych major!

You took classes about brains and shit, explain why we’re all depressed. The occasional advice is actually kind of appreciated but stay far from interpreting my dreams they’re weird and freaky and whoever said eyes are the window to the soul is so wrong. My dreams are the window into my soul. 

We get it, you’re an English major!

I know you have to read a lot. I really feel for you. But also not really. I know you’ve read like 22 Illiad’s worth of pages. And I’m sure you’re very tired of every other major incorrectly using try-hard words and incorrectly boxing literary works as modernist when they are most definitely post-modern! But there is a literal cheat sheet called SparkNotes (or Cliffnotes, or Shmoop… you get the idea) so you don’t even need to pay for Chegg. Regardless, please, you don’t need to tell me about how you had to read 300 pages last night and had to write another 12 about it. Or at least, not every week.

We get it, you got that internship!

Wait, did you say my plans for the summer? Oh my god, I don’t know about you but I’m so excited to be at JPMC! JPMC is JP Morgan Chase & Co.  if you didn’t know I know there’s just so many acronyms these days! And I’m so sorry I couldn’t thank you specifically on my LinkedIn post I just wanted to please my most important of my 500+ connections. My network is just crazy it was so hard to just pick a few people. Wait did I mention I’m doing financial economics and I’m going to be at JPMC this summer?

We get it, you’re a History major!

Please, continue to identify yourself in every class by providing the historical context in the most verbose manner and contributing nothing else when no one asked. Do it, I triple dog dare you. And don’t worry love, you don’t need to hide your Eric Foner phone background picture! Because hey, history repeats itself right? 

We get it, you’re a Comp Lit major!

Remind me how you’re a polyglot and truly fluent in two languages. I’m totally not in complete awe at your intellect. When you compare domesticating vs foreignizing translations I totally get what you’re saying. Actually, you’re just making my inferiority complex even worse.   

We get it, you’re always on slack!

Or are you just on Bwog?

Something I need to do via Wikimedia Commons