Bwog reminds you that the clock is ticking on this semester’s Zoom fantasies.
We do what we must to make it through the semester. Maybe I do dream of building a life together with a m*n in my discussion section that I’ve spoken to approximately five times throughout the course of this semester… Don’t tell me you haven’t been doing something similar; there’s no one here to impress.
But these daydreams are crumbling before our very eyes! With finals approaching and the last day of classes already behind us, I must urge you to take action while you can. In just a week’s time, the Zoom DMs (ZMs, if you will) will be no more—what options, then, will you be left with?
- Looking up your love interest in the CU directory and cold-emailing their UNI.
- Going through the followers of every CU-affiliated organization’s social media account you can think of, waiting for their name to appear amidst the sea of bots and defunct accounts.
- Using the Canvas mailtool and sending a passionate love letter attached as a PDF.
- DM’ing them separately from your class GroupMe.
- Hoping your telepathic professions of love will somehow enter their mind across the borders of space and time.
… The options are bleak, friends.
But if you act quickly, you’ll have more options!
- ZM them during the final! What’s more important, after all: passing the class, or finding your true love?
- If you are taking a cursed synchronous final over Zoom, make the teacher regret their decision to torture you so and unmute yourself before leaving to serenade your crush.
- GroupMe DM them now, but make an excuse about sTudYinG fOr thE fiNaL for a totally plausible excuse.
- Alternatively, GroupMe DM them now with the excuse of nEeDinG aN esSay prOofReaD, but encode a secret love letter in one of the body paragraphs.
- Change your Zoom background to a poorly photoshopped image of your potential wedding!
All of this to say that the clock is ticking… Profess your feelings now or forever hold your peace. (Or make uncomfortable eye contact in a dining hall one day in the future and have images of the love that could’ve been flash before your eyes as you take another bite of John Jay pasta and curse your inaction.)
Woah! The passing of time! via Pixabay