“Dear Bwog,

Do you think it’s possible to be friends with someone you once really liked and were intimate with without getting hurt? Is it even worth it to try and be friends?

Thanks,
One Lost Soul”

Dear One Lost Soul,

I understand how difficult this problem is because for it to have gotten here, you probably got an answer from this person about your relationship that you didn’t want to hear. I definitely think it is possible to be friends with someone you were intimate with because many times intimacy can coexist with friendships when feelings aren’t involved on either side. However, because you said that you once really liked them, that makes it much trickier. If you know that currently, you still have feelings for this person, I would advise against being friends for now. The fact that you’re asking this, probably means you know that you still have feelings for them. Being friends could end up hurting you even more because you would be reminded of unrequited feelings every time you interact with them and may get your hopes up again if something were to happen. Every time you interact with them as a friend, you’ll probably feel a little on edge because of the feelings you still harbor. I think, for now, the best course of action would be to take some time off from the friendship to let your feelings fizzle out. On the other hand, if you know that you currently feel nothing towards this person, and would not want to be in a romantic relationship with them, there is no harm in being friends.

The second part of your question, “Is it worth it to try and be friends?” really depends on the joy and value the friendship brings into your life and how you compare that to the possible hurt that you may have to endure being around someone you had/have feelings for. If you think that being friends won’t hurt you because you’ve reconciled with the fact that this person isn’t someone you will have a romantic relationship with, then friendship shouldn’t be a problem. But if the wound is fresh, and you still feel some heaviness when thinking about them, I would say it’s not worth the hurt that could follow. You can take the space to get over what could have been, focus on fostering other friendships in your life, and connect again when you feel ready. Whatever you decide to do, you should communicate this with the other person so that they don’t think you’re just shutting them out for nothing. Make sure they understand this is for your own wellbeing, and that there are no ill feelings toward them. Especially if you want to be friends in the future.

I hope this helps, and wish you the best in future situationship endeavors!

Sending Love,

Bwog Staff

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