Bwog Staff—that’s me—and my two best friends try to do the impossible: create a guide that will help you survive school.

I attended my first Bacchanal over 4036 years ago. We had the biggest stars of the day perform: Chuck and the Hittites, The Rolling Megaliths, Homer—it was a real blast.

Back in my day, a sophomore could walk on to the stage and start yelling his problems into a megaphone. We could all hear him over the music, because speakers hadn’t been invented yet.

By the way, that sophomore? Demosthenes.

I remember one time, when I was feeling really dehydrated, I decided to jump into the creek that used to be where Low Library is today. Now that creek is buried under Low Library. I can still feel the water.

It really is remarkable how quickly the time flies once you’ve seen them build the first carrot. Used to be I’d sit around for hours just waiting for a mammoth to stroll by. Nowadays, I just eat Bridgerton and watch Doritos.

A Bacchanal coordinator ventured off to Canada once and withdrew soon after.

All I’m saying is that everyone should at least consider alternatives to virtual Bacchanal. Keep an open mind. Protect your planet.

#FreeBritney

Bacchanal 202 BC via Creative Commons

The Bacchus via Creative Commons

Party in the Pleistocene via Creative Commons