Caroline, Rania, and Julia are here to tell you which angsty, joyous, teen song you are—based on your major, of course.

Fearless (Taylor’s Version)  – Anything in SEAS

You know who goes in head first, fearless? SEAS kids. They are peak STEM, taking up to 22 credits a semester just to graduate on time. And much like Taylor in this song, they mention cars a whole lot… What is it about driving down the road that makes y’all so enthralled? We show our appreciation for everyone in SEAS with the honor of this titular track.

Fifteen (Taylor’s Version) – History

In this brilliant song, Taylor takes on the role of a historian, chronicling the life of a white middle-class, fifteen-year-old girl. She recounts the epics highs (your very first date who’s got a car and you feelin’ like flyin’) and lows (giving everything you have to a boy who changed his mind) of high school.

Love Story (Taylor’s Version) – Theatre 

Admit it, you saw it coming. Taylor’s most Shakespearean song deserves Columbia’s most dramatic major. This is a star-crossed match made in heaven. Don’t you get tired of waiting, wondering when the next performance is ever coming around? Doesn’t your faith in art start fading, when you meet a theater major on the outskirts of campus? Romeo, save me from having to deal with post-show high actors.

You Belong with Me (Taylor’s Version) – Women’s, Gender, and Sexuality Studies

Hear us out. “You Belong with Me” tells the story of a not-like-other-girls girl who pines after a guy with a girlfriend. Seemingly a WGSS’ majors internalized misogyny-fuelled nightmare, this song is actually the perfect case study. Why does a teenage Taylor feel pressured to compete with another girl for a basic boy’s affection? Why do love triangles typically fall in line with cisgender heteronormativity? Why is the girl with tee shirts so jealous of the girl in the short skirts? Hmm

White Horse (Taylor’s Version) – Urban Studies 

It’s too late for you and your white horse to come around because urban studies majors are now part of the ~urban experience~. Like Taylor at the end of the song, urban study majors are in the midst of entering “a big world,” leaving behind the “small town there in [their] rear-view mirror disappearing now.” No horses, just cars.

Breathe (Taylor’s Version) – Classics or Ancient Studies

Classical and ancient studies are integral to the Core as the act of breathing itself. Trust us, we know it’s never simple, never easy to translate Latin or Greek on top of trying to understand what these thinkers are saying in English.

Tell Me Why (Taylor’s Version) – Economics

Econ majors tend to have a volatile relationship with the economy, like that previously of Ms. Swift and a certain [redacted] brother. One day all of your predictions come true, the next you want to say “I’m feeling like I don’t know you.” If you have MarketWatch on your phone—you know you need econ like a heartbeat.

Change (Taylor’s Version) – Human Rights 

Human rights majors want change—and need to start making change happen close to home—enough said.

Jump Then Fall (Taylor’s Version) – Physics

Taylor explains the principles of gravity better than your professors ever could.

Untouchable (Taylor’s Version) – Philosophy 

Philosophy majors know what they are studying is completely intangible and not grounded. Untouchable, one could even say.

The Other Side Of The Door  (Taylor’s Version) – Biology

The “door” in this song is symbolic of orgo—the weeder class for premed, biology majors. Biology majors hate the class, but they know their dreams of becoming a doctor can only be found on the other side of the door (aka once they pass the class). 

Today Was A Fairytale  (Taylor’s Version) – English 

English majors suffer from Main Character Syndrome and that is exactly what this song is. The act of glorifying an event so much you become the “princess” of the story is similar to how books are known to transport their readers. Finally, you cannot convince me the lyric “I can’t put this down” is not about a book. 

Mr. Perfectly Fine (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) – Political Science

Political Science majors embody “Mr. Perfectly Fine” to a T. If you’re in poli sci, this angsty song represents you because you’re always upset about something—be it the news, broken campaign promises, or your utter disaster of a March Madness-like bracket for the 2020 presidential race. But poli sci majors also have a smidge of hope that things are “gonna be alright someday.” You also know how to the sharpest things in the sweetest voice.

Notable line: “so dignified in your well-pressed suit / so strategized, all the eyes on you”

We Were Happy  (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) – Computer Science 

We were happy for maybe the first three problem sets of 1004. When it was good, baby, it was good, baby. But now it is absolutely not good and all of us are miserable.

Bye Bye Baby (Taylor’s Version) (From the Vault) – Psychology 

Freud would have a field day with this song. Who is this “baby” you are speaking of, Taylor? Talk about projecting!

all hail the queen via Wikimedia Commons