Is it the end of the world if you don’t have a single internship offer? It sure as hell feels that way.

It’s beginning. As the weather warms up and snow caps on the mountains melt and fill the lowland streams, in the city, Columbia has its own little springtime flood. The LinkedIn internship announcement flood. Post after post that is just so excited to let us all know that they will indeed be enjoying a cushy prestigious internship this summer. Suddenly, every other person you know is employed at Tesla, Goldman, Microsoft, or somehow all three. 

So you clap react. And refresh your email, and hope that someone, please someone, decided to take you.

But the emails don’t come. And now you are faced with every Columbia student’s worst nightmare: you do not have an internship this summer. 

Are you waiting tables this summer? Hell no! You’re a customer-facing sales executive baby. Are you helping out at your family store/restaurant? Hell no! You’re the regional operations manager. Just because your job doesn’t sound glamorous doesn’t mean you can’t manifest glamour. Even if it’s only paying $8.25 an hour.

Yo fuck this system anyways! There’s hundreds of thousands of people vying for the same shitty entry-level internships. What’s the point of even applying, we’re doomed from the start, most of us don’t have daddy’s connections to land us an interview. This is all bullshit, and it’s designed to make us fail. Maybe this is the sign you needed to drop out, pursue a life on an off-grid goat farm, and stick it to the man. Fuck capitalism, fuck internships, and fuck being a cog in the machine.

Maybe it’s time to look through your contact list in your phone again. Didn’t you go to some party freshman year with some kid whose last name sounded like an oil company you’ve heard of? What about the girl who is always posting $50 brunch on Instagram…is it weird to slide into her DMs just to ask if her parents have any positions open? What’s giving up a little dignity for a job? 

Scream into your pillow. Eat some ice cream (maybe a lot of ice cream). Accept that you are going to be a dead weight on society this summer, taking up the precious resources that are already so few and far between. Your lack of LinkedIn achievements does reflect on your personal worth. Your lack of internships does reflect on your intelligence. Columbia has taught us well: life is worth living for the sake of working hard, and nothing more. 

Disregard the entire previous paragraph. Log off of LinkedIn. There is life beyond an internship offer, and you can be successful and happy even if you aren’t working a 9-to-5 this summer. Volunteer. Work a service industry job. Tutor some kids. Taking it easy this summer is…so fine. This past year has been literally hell on earth, and your body and mind deserve a break. And if you really need to rationalize everything you do…say you’re preventing the inevitable fall 2021 burnout. Because after this year, everyone need some time to just breathe.

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