Bwog Staff officially puts in a request to Columbia for the following items using the billion-dollar endowment.

Have you ever filled out one of those official FTF forms so you can buy something from Columbia’s wallet? Here, we’ve put together the ideal list of things to ask for using the official university document. Think big and remember Columbia’s 14.35 billion-dollar endowment. Please note that Bwog Staff has no comprehension of what a billion dollars really is.

  1. Since this school took away our sanity, it surely can buy it back. The first thing on the list is either counseling, a new brain, or some good ol’ sanity.
  2. Literally every single thing in the world. A billion dollars can buy that right?
  3. Some new fucking washing machines. The ones in the residence halls now use toilet water I’m pretty sure.
  4. One Bwog member requested an Alma statue, but it’s her face. How about one for every single student?
  5. We’re looking at roughly 550 requests for weed. We want lots and lots and lots of weed. See number 1.
  6. A Columbia-themed bong. See number 5.
  7. A candle for my dorm.
  8. Cat toys, litter, cat food, catnip, and a vet visit. No reason. There are no illegal dorm cats anywhere.
  9. 3-ply toilet paper. Our butts are raw, Columbia.
  10. Cranberry juice for UTIs from frat boys.
  11. A toilet that sings Roar Lions Roar when you flush it.

Money via Bwog Archives