Bold, Beautiful, Balaclava.
I like looking good but I also like wearing college merch because of the societal conditioning and the seemingly corporate appropriation of the college experience. But when I go into the bookstore, there are always the same few sweatshirts. I want more—so much more. Here are just a few options.
Why Not Be Y2k?
- Velour Tracksuit that says Columbia University on the chest and “In the City of New York” on the ass.
- Alternatively a velour tracksuit with Barnard on the tits and of Columbia University on the ass.
- Millie’s crop top!
- Barnard Babe/Bimbo bedazzled baby tee.
- Baby tee with cartoon farm animals on it and “Barnyard” in bubble letters on top. must have cowboy boots on it.
Sales Can Be Sexy!
- (Slutty) Roaree and Millie Halloween costumes.
- UTS lingerie.
- Bikini Deantini Wall Calendar .
- Sheer Barnard “B” or Columbia “C” tights (imagine the Gucci tights but Barnumbia).
- Bring back the thongs bedazzled with “Barnard” in rhinestones, and let the rest of the undergrad schools have their own versions too.
- Bedazzled Columbia boxers.
For All Kinds of Your Relationship Needs!
- Barnard Step-Dad hat.
- Barnard BF/GF/SO hats.
- Barnard lesbian shirts.
- “Property of a Barnard student” on the ass of some sweatpants.
- The Millie Barnard tape design but on condoms.
- Make a Barnard DILF hat and this campus will never be the same.
- Barnard MILF too!
- SEAS #1 fan merch line. Sweatshirts and pants and t-shirts.
- Barnard Balaclava.
- “Bold, Beautiful, Balaclava” stitched on the front of a balaclava
- A boat captain’s hat that says “Barnumbia” or “Cumnard.”
- Loafers with a gold “BC” on the front.
- A set of Barnard barber tools for when you cut your bangs at 3:00 am in the floor bathroom.
- Barnard reusable drinking straws.
- Vitamin D Tablets.
- Masks that have Roaree or Millie’s Face.
- Big B and C pool floaties for the fountains.
- Columbia sweatshirts that say Barnard in parentheses underneath.
- Merch with the Columbia College Crown (please, it’s so aesthetically pleasing why is it always the more modern crown).
- Clothes with the shield embroidered.
- Cumnard or Barnumbia or FUCC.
- Matilda the Harlem Goat Merch Line
- “I survived the core curriculum and all I got was this lousy t-shirt”
- Knit sweater with a Crown or a C (for when you want to be a true Connecticut prepster.)
- Or a B for Barnard!
- Use the university seal!
And If All Else Fails:
- Just affordable sweatshirts.
New Merch Rendering Base via Flickr