Guest Writer James Coppersmith brings us a Detective’s Log on this Mystery.

9/12/2022 6:35 PM—I entered John Jay Dining Hall. Some would say that this was a mistake in and of itself, but not even the questionable scents or complete lack of seating could prepare me for what was to come. I stacked my plate full of delicious offerings, and right as I went to grab silverware, I discovered nothing but knives available. After scouring the dining hall, I found my worst fears to have come to fruition: there was neither fork nor spoon to be found.

9/12/2022 8:07 PM—Fresh off of eating my meal with highly inadequate utensils, I became determined to learn to navigate this maze of a school for one purpose: to find the culprit behind the missing silverware.

9/12/2022 8:12 PM—Okay, so it turns out being a detective is a lot harder than it looks. But if there’s one thing I could rely on here, it’s a mysterious trail of liquids leading out of the dining hall, which happened to lead to John Jay’s elevator in this case. I pressed the button and began to wait.

9/13/2022 1:23 AM—Elevator arrives. I followed the trail of liquid into the steamy hell of the laundry room, where I found only a first-year trying to find an open machine, before noticing that the trail of liquid continued into a crack in the wall. I slowly approached, until the floor caved in under me, sending me underground. 

9/13/2022 1:23 AM—I found a rat carrying a fork and followed it for a few minutes, and… they’ve done it. The rats have built an entire civilization within the tunnels under campus, built entirely out of the John Jay silverware. Too impressed with their architecture to reclaim our silverware, I reluctantly stumbled away to where desperate times always take us… JJ’s Place.

Image via Bwog Archives