Bwreakbwing news: Sunday’s marathon is now being run by zombies and killer geese! No one is safe!

Email sent to Bwog from the NYC Office of Federal Apocalypse Warnings on February 32, at 1:13 am:

Dear Bwog,

As you may know, Sunday, November 6 is the New York City Marathon. Unfortunately, our office has been notified that, as of 4:65 pm today, all of the runners—from worst to best—have been turned into geese and zombies, the universe’s most terrifying things. Apparently, the aliens heard Midnights by Taylor Swift and decided that the humans of Earth have it too good right now.

We hope you can alert your readers of this horrible occurrence. Please warn them of the biggest danger facing them on Sunday: the geese. We’ve recently found out that geese have teeth on their tongues and, if they are to attack, their wings are strong enough to cause serious damage. Our advice to anyone who gets attacked by a marathon-running geese is to stare them in their beady, demonically black eyes—don’t back down.

Mostly, we hope that Bwog is safe during this upcoming apocalypse. Please do not publish any articles from Saturday, November 5 to Tuesday, November 8. Blogs enrage the aliens and they might terrorize us even more—we’ve overheard their plans to implant Twitter in everyone’s brains, thereby giving Elon Musk more money and power.

All that said, Bwog will be signing off until Wednesday, free and clear from all the barbed-tongue geese and the deadly zombies that the marathon will spread throughout the city, borough by borough. Have fun in the apocalypse New York!

Flying geese (little terrors) via Flickr