My walk to class is FREEZING and I am SICK OF IT. Join me in helping the fight to accelerate climate change.

Guys, listen. I’ve been an EcoRep for three years. I’m an environmental science major. I’ve even attended a climate strike! All this work, and what change have I noticed? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. According to my professors, we’re still fucked. And on top of it all? New York is FREEZING. For months now, I’ve had to bundle up for every walk to the dining hall. My dorm room is like a ice box. And I’m all out of winter outfits.

So, I’ve decided it’s time to make a change. Instead of fighting global warming, or even accepting it, I’m here to lend it a hand. In an effort to make NYC winters a little warmer, here are five ways we can help accelerate climate change here at Columbia.

  • Open your windows and crank that motherfuckin’ radiator
    • I know you guys all do this anyways, because the radiators are just so hot and the outside is just so cold. It’s the only way to create a livable space in half of these dorm rooms. This is both a waste of energy and directly making outside hotter. So stay on that grind!
  • Burn your EcoReps tote bags (and water bottles!)
    • For every plastic bag and bottle saved by using one of these, we could put, like, double the amount of greenhouse gasses into the atmosphere! Burning stuff is probably so bad for the climate, especially plastic. Let’s do it!
  • Buy a bunch of cars and beg Columbia to turn the lawns into a parking lot
    • Yes, NYC is technically a walkable city, but imagine how nice it would be to not have to walk from Carman to Hamilton! Students at other colleges get to have cars, so we should stop denying ourselves this one little convenience.
  • Protest for Columbia to double down on their fossil fuel investments
    • I actually think this could work. I feel like they’re waiting for any reason to do it, and what better than the unanimous support of the entire undergraduate student body?
  • Food waste, food waste, food waste!
    • Most of our dining halls are all-you-can-eat, so eat what you want, and then put, like, five plates of food in the trash! It is literally free to do this if you have a meal plan, and honestly kinda fun.

Okay, team. Now that we’ve got our methods, it’s time to hit the field. I’ll be checking next year’s IPCC report to make sure we all did our part.

Climate striker via Wikimedia Commons, Alma via Wikimedia Commons, edit via author