You have better places to be at 9 pm than Lerner 510? Likely story.

Finals have officially arrived. The great Columbia campus exodus has begun. So what? You’re too busy to come to tonight’s open meeting?

Well, we’ve compiled a list of 37 things that are WORSE than coming to tonight’s open meeting. When you think about it this way, coming to Bwog really doesn’t sound so bad, right?

Things That Are Worse Than Going To The Bwog Meeting Tonight:

  1. Studying for finals 
  2. Packing 
  3. Studying for finals when you should be packing
  4. Packing when you should be studying for finals 
  5. Explaining to your mother that coming to pick you up at 7:30 am next Friday is too early for the average human to functionally do anything, let alone drag multiple 50 pound duffle bags down four flights of stairs 
    • You will lose this battle. She is coming at 8 am and you better have everything off your walls by then. 
  6. The 2023 Met Gala “Red” Carpet 
  7. Jared Leto’s 2023 Met Gala Outfit 
    • (Outfit is a strong word) 
  8. The 2023 Met Gala theme 
    • (fuck you, Karl Lagerfeld) 
  9. PawPrint printing 
    • Why won’t you let me print anything??? 
  10. PawPrint color printing 
    • Physically impossible. 
  11. Eating glass
  12. Eating fire ants 
  13. Eating the random Babybel cheese that’s been in your dorm fridge all semester 
    • Like, all semester
  14. Drinking Hudson River water 
  15. Drinking the $12 tequila you got from International without a chaser 
  16. Drinking the street water from the 114th burst pipe 
  17. Trying to study for finals, but ending up on Instagram instead
  18. Trying to study for finals, but ending up on Sidechat 
  19. Trying to study for finals, but ending up texting your mom about Friday pick-up 
    • She’s still coming to get you at 8 am. 
  20. Trying to study for finals, but ending up down an orca research rabbit hole 
    • Seaworld’s treatment of orcas 
    • The devastating psychological torture that was inflicted onto Tilikum the orca 
    • The average lifespan for an orca in captivity (around 12 years, compared to ~40 years in the wild) 
    • The fact that at least 54 orcas still exist in captivity today
  21. The amount of time you’ve spent researching Orcas instead of studying for your Art History final 
  22. Ferris pizza 
  23. Cold Ferris pizza 
  24. Cold Ferris caesar salad pizza 
    • Why? 
  25. Contemplating the amount of citations you’ll need to make for your multiple research essays 
  26. Contemplating the amount of laundry you have to do 
  27. Contemplating whether or not to change your major 
    • You definitely will 
    • And this will not be the last switch
  28. Contemplating your existence in this messy, mercurial world 
    • Why are we all here? 
  29. Eating five eggs 
  30. Eating six eggs 
  31. Eating seven eggs
    • That is just too many eggs 
  32. Cleaning your room 
    • You’re gonna leave in less than a week 
  33. Staring at your messy room 
    • Now it’s stressing you out 
  34. Trying to find a seat in the main Butler reading room 
  35. Trying to sneak an iced coffee into Avery 
  36. Eating eleven eggs
    • Why would you do that to yourself? 
  37. Writing course evaluations 
    • You want me to do more work???? In these times??? 
    • Also, they were due three days ago

In conclusion, come to Bwog tonight!!! It’s better than studying for finals!

You if you don’t come to Bwog via Wikimedia Commons