Social Media Editor Tal Bloom and Guest Writer Bayley Basson propose Columbia’s hottest new clubs.

As dutiful attendees of the Club Fair last Friday, we walked away with one conclusion: Columbia simply does not have enough clubs. Here are our latest and best proposals:

Barnard Worms: A club dedicated to all things Worm: doing the worm, feeding our tub of 2,000 worms, hanging those fuzzy worms all over campus. 

Spotted Lanternfly Watchers: We watch spotted lantern flies and then attempt to step on them. Like bird watching but more violent.

Columbia Collective Against Jaywalking: A patrol service to ensure our students uphold norms of street safety. CCAJ will poster, table, host events, and most importantly, guard the crosswalks near campus, ensuring that students remain the safe and law-abiding citizens we should be molding.

Columbia Garden Gnome Enthusiasts: We just really like garden gnomes. 

Columbia Censorship Collective: Our mission is to prevent anyone from saying things we just don’t like. We will go around campus with our CCC sponsored airhorns to block our any dumb takes. 

Columbia Professional Chair Testers: We attend every single library on campus and rank all different kinds of chairs so that everyone is protected by the misleadingly uncomfortable chairs.

Humanities 101: A support group for STEM students who need guidance on how to take a humanities class. We specialize in teaching reading syllabi, how discussion sections work, and the art of saying something filled with buzzwords. 

Columbia Mockapella: A club with the sole purpose of mocking any and all forms of a cappella (Tal is the president of Nonsequitur A Cappella, so this isn’t hate speech). 

Reviewing the Reviews: Another dedicated group of citizens, doing the critical task of reviewing Culpa review. Meta, we know.

Barnard Without A Baddie: It takes too much effort to be a Barnard Baddie all the time. Between the eyeliner, immaculately layered outfits, and jewelry game, being a Barnard Baddie simply is exhausting. Thus, BWAB will host a support group for all students who just want to be allowed to wear sweatpants. We will meet without eyeliner, in sweatpants, and without crocheting. 

Columbia New Clubs via Bwog Staff