Down with nonfunctional turf!

Space is a limited natural resource in Manhattan, so Barnumbia’s designation of a considerable portion of its finite (or not so finite) campus to silly little aesthetic plants is nothing to scoff at. How the plants are arranged, and the plants themselves, vary from green space to green space to an equally varied effect. Which of the selected designs reigns over the rest? You’re about to find out!

A not-so-quick disclaimer about this non-definitive ranking: I do not know a singular plant native to this island. This is quite sad, given my proclivity towards being obnoxious about things like invasive species and monocultures (obnoxious because I am not, in any capacity, genuinely interested in botany or ecology). I also do not know a single thing about landscape design or photography. I do, however, have excellent taste.

Honorable Mention – Good Trees

They’re not exactly landscaping, but in my Lorax fashion, I must give a lil’ shoutout to this tree with its unknown fruit and the one tree outside Wallach whose top is a brilliant red right now.

#13 – The Fenced-Off Grass on College Walk

Why is this here? I understand the desire to break up the concrete with some greenery, but grass is useful when it’s accessible for uncoordinated frisbee throwing or lying in the sun pretending to read, not when it is roped off. There’s plenty of other landscaping with fun long grasses and flowers in the area that certainly could go here. Or, if that upkeep is too difficult, it could at least be a big block of shrubbery to give the rats a bigger home. No one wins with this weird, lonely stretch of green.

#12 – The Engineering Building Trash Area

This part of campus is very scary, given its concentration of tall concrete buildings, subsequent lack of direct sunlight, and crowds of engineers. This poor little box is trying to withstand the pressure, but with the row of trash cans blocking it from one side, it never really stood a chance.

#11 – Law Bridge Rectangle Grass

There is a good dose of sunlight and a lovely view from this concrete stretch, but the grass itself is ambiguous. Can you sit on it? It is weirdly pit-like and empty. Are you relegated to sitting around it? Then you’re back to the non-functional turf issue. After this photo was taken, a little group came and sat on the corner in a circle, where several people sat considerably lower than everyone else on the grass (which gave a bizarre dose of power dynamics to the situation). Also, I’m pretty sure their butts got wet…not that I would know.

#10 – The No-Pesticide Bee Areas

Even without the pesticide, the bees are still losing. Sweet but it makes me sad. There are like three things growing here.

#9 – The EC Lawn with Sculpture

This was almost a tie with the law bridge grass, except its steps and lack of a pit (neither of which, admittedly, have anything to do with landscaping) make it more enticing to sit on. While not its fault, it does have a view of the brutalist law building, the brutalist International Affairs building, and the somewhat odd-looking EC dorms. The grass, however, is quite comfortable.

#8 – The Random Circle of Barnard Grass

Why is this here? What purpose does it serve? It is framed quite beautifully with trees and flowers and some funky Big Leaves (more on that later), which gives it points, but since it’s so small it doesn’t really accommodate more than one group at a time. Sitting here feels like you’re on display. Otherwise, it would be quite perfect.

#7 – Fayerweather Plaza

Such symmetry! Such use of outdoor seating! Sadly, in the month of October, it is rather shady for most of the day, making it difficult to soak up precious sunshine. Still, it’s a hidden gem of Barnumbia landscaping, with plenty of wild-adjacent feeling shrubbery and tables surrounded by greenery.

6. The Lawn Outside of John Jay(ish)

Here’s a hot take: this lawn is better than the Butler lawns. Before you come at me with your pitchforks (or spike ball nets or whatever), please consider the picture-perfect tree in the one corner and the lack of shrubbery. While marginally less picture-perfect, the gate around the lawn is both climbable, usable as a backrest, and not ideal for rats (which makes it ideal for me). If you haven’t gathered already, I like grass that serves a purpose, and this is quite a lovely spot for people-watching and temperature-controlled sunbathing alike.

A Subsection of #6 – The Shrubbery

It is worth mentioning that the shrubbery, while home to rodents and old beer cans, has quite pleasant little berries(?). Many lawns around campus without concrete or brick have this bush, and it’s really not all that bad.

#5 – The Little Strips of Landscaping on College Walk

This chunk of garden has a fantastic mix of texture, colors, and joy. I have no idea why it’s here or how flowers are blooming in New York in October, but I love it nonetheless. Why are some things so boring and others so vibrant? Who’s in charge? That last question is rhetorical because I don’t particularly want to google the answer.

#4 – The Deck Ground Covering in Milstein

Magical. Phenomenal. Presumably, it doesn’t need much water, except sometimes the groundskeeper seems to blast it with a power washer so maybe that’s a lie. Its one downfall is that you cannot sit on it, but it’s so funky and fun that it doesn’t even matter.

#3 – George Washington Carver Victory Garden

Vegetable gardens are little miracles. The succulent in my window, which I’ve only tended for six weeks, is somehow shriveling up despite its supposed complete resiliency. The fact that people can help coax tomatoes out of the ground in October is absurd. Also, many points for the sign, even though you have to walk awkwardly between a different (less exciting) landscaping bed next to Uris to read it properly.

#2 – Barnard Walk

Barnard groundskeeper Keith Gabora works magic here (and, possibly, everywhere on Barnard’s campus). The alternating color scheme! The variety in texture! The wonderful return of the Big Leaves! These cinch this landscaping’s place on the list: far bigger than your head, they look weirdly both paleolithic and tropical. Without them, this border errs on being too pretty, but the Big Leaves makes it dynamic, funky, and fun. 

And, finally…

#1 – The Secret Mystery Outdoor Outlet

Somewhere on this campus, intrepid reader, it is possible to sit outside while your computer charges. I’m selfish and have no desire to spread this knowledge for fear that I will not have consistent access to this outlet. It has nothing to do with landscaping, but you can enjoy landscaping from your perch while your dented, overheating laptop gets its much-needed electricity. It’s out there. I promise.

Did I miss your favorite landscaping? I must have! Oopsie sorry, there are so many good plants out there for you to enjoy.

Featured image via Bwog Archives. All other photos via Bwog Staff.