To trick or to treat on Frat Row…

You’ve just stepped off campus in your best costume, and in this moment and all moments, you are that girl. With your McDonald’s Boo Bucket from a week ago in hand, you are ready to take on the city.

Now, you are no dummy. There is an art to trick-or-treating, so you have come prepared. For the night, you have planned the most efficient route that maximizes your candy profit. But the houses matter just as much as the route. It’s your first Halloween here, far away from your sleepy hometown. So, this is a year of discovery. 

As such, you start where most stories start: the brownstones of Frat Row.

#1: Sigma Nu

In the bowl of Sigma Nu, you find a haphazard collection of marshmallows. No, not the pillows of Jet Puff, but the tiny ones that come in a 5-pound bag for 25 cents at the closest warehouse. You grab a couple to keep your sugar up, but they crack your teeth (they’ve been out here since last night)

#2: Alpha Delta Phi

Before you even see the front door, you are hit with a cloud of herbal smoke as you approach the maw of ADP. Strung on strings across the door are rows and rows of cigarettes. You are never one to turn down a smoke, so you pluck a handful, sad that there wasn’t an open flame to go with them.

#3: Sigma Phi Epsilon

You begin to hear thumping music as you walk up to Sig Ep, and they’ve decided to do something different this Halloween. Drinks! Hydration is key, so of course you bend to pick one up. As you get closer you realize that there are no caps on any of the Arizona bottles. You catch a whiff of something strong in those bottles…like hand sanitizer. You slowly back away before breaking into a sprint

#4: Sigma Chi

Sig Chi seems oddly quiet and dark as you walk up. You see Kit-Kats strewn on a stool. Jackpot! You go to grab one, but your fingers meet a strange destination. The package squishes and squirms. It’s as if they were thrown here as someone was leaving, having been in their pockets for at least a week.

#5: Kappa Delta Rho

You are almost to the end of the street, hoping for something edible. You stumble up KDR’s porch and find something colorful. Blues, pinks, and greens are always inviting. Ugh ew…they’re Tootsie Rolls, the flavored ones made to try and convince people that Tootsie Rolls aren’t disgusting. You’ve been tricked once again by something sinister hiding under an inviting wrapper…you’re noticing a trend about a lot of these houses.

#6: Beta Theta Pi

You end your journey at the doorstep of Beta. The door is open, and a line of costumes comes out of it. As you peer in, you notice a tray of candy you see a promising sight: jellybeans! You make your way up to the front and meet a wall of men. It’s no problem, you can easily peer over them at the tray of candy. Just after your hand grabs a handful, it is slapped with a simple NO! You hear “Your costume is trash” as you’re pushed off of the porch. As you begin to chew your hard-earned treat, the most unpleasant flavor overcomes you: Soap, Earthworm, and Sausage? Before you can chew more, you hear a noise from the windows…it’s someone shouting, “SCRAM!” You drop everything immediately and run.

Empty-handed you return to campus, dejected. As you walk to your dorm, you feel a hand on your shoulder. It’s your crush! The one you look at incessantly in chem class, but have only talked to once. They invite you out because “no one should be sad and sober on Halloween!” You grab their hand and you go on your second adventure of the night. Why not? The night is still young, and so are you.

Yummy homes via Bwog Archives