Just in case you are already worried about going back home.

Thanksgiving, a supposed time for gratitude and giving thanks, took an unexpected detour into the realm of not-so-cheerful when nosy relatives unleashed a barrage of questions about the latest campus happenings—all seemingly extracted from the embellished media coverage of Columbia activities. While Thanksgiving itself might be in the rearview mirror, the looming reality is that we’ll soon find ourselves back with these same inquisitive relatives in just a few weeks. Enduring four consecutive days with my family during the holiday, I became an expert in the art of sidestepping these not-so-pleasant conversations.

  1. The classic “Oh everyone has just been really busy with midterm”. Because there can’t be any protests if everyone is stuck in the library studying!
  2. Bring up family gossip. Every grandma loves to gossip about her grandchildren.
  3. Run.
  4. “Is something burning in the oven?”
  5. Just start screaming. 
  6. Ponder if any family member is pregnant.
  7. Pour everyone another glass of wine.
  8. Pretend to pass out.
  9. Pack up your stuff. Take the car keys. Drive into the middle of the woods. Ditch the car. Find a pack of wolves. They are your new family now. 
  10. Attempt to participate in calm and productive dialogue. I guess this should be an option, right?

And if all of this does not work, maybe just book an earlier flight back to school. Sorry!

Thanksgiving via Bwarchives