A new, updated ranking of spoons (in my kitchen which I now have).

Last year, a poor, kitchenless, freshman Isa ranked the quality and aesthetics of Hewitt’s varied spoons. This year, I’ve leveled up in the campus housing world, and Hewitt got rid of most of their old silverware :(. But that means we need a new ranking! Here’s to the surprising variety of spoons my suite has accumulated.

13. Starting off so weak: a serving spoon that I do not like. Why is it like that? Far too angular, the pattern of the slots feels like a slur in some script I can’t read, and what is the purpose of the scallops? I hate them. The edge of the bowl makes picking things up really awkward. I do not like it at all. Moving on.

12. I must give this spoon some credit. It’s not the spoon’s fault that it was manufactured for planned obsolescence, it’s a victim of capitalism just like the rest of us. Admittedly though, plastic spoons just aren’t the same. They degrade with each wash, and don’t deliver the same liquid consumption satisfaction. I respect it, but it is not ranked highly.

11. I am both intrigued and disturbed by this one. It came with the mini rice-cooker one of my roommates brought, which I don’t use so I don’t know if it does its intended job efficiently, but there’s something to be appreciated about such a specialized instrument. There was care and thought put into its design. It still freaks me out a bit, though. What are all the little bumps for?

10. This spoon is the most plentiful in our cutlery drawer. It’s okay. I’m a big fan of a nice round-edged handle, so this loses some points for that, and the bowl is awkwardly large for eating stuff that’s not totally liquid, but does hold a good amount of soup, so I have to appreciate that it fulfills its purpose. And anyway, exceptional spoons wouldn’t be exceptional if they were plentiful, right?

9. Now we get to some of the fun ones. Isn’t this great? How fun!! A wooden spoon is a classic, and such a fun shape, too. It is a little bit functionally challenged, not great for much other than stirring honey into coffee or raspberry flavored Emergen-C into water, but an excellent spoon nonetheless.

8. I don’t know what about this little guy is so amusing to me, but he gives me a kick. There just seems to be so much personality bottled up into this spoon, with its handle’s end at a festive jaunt. It’s at once charming and comedic.

7. A truth universally acknowledged is that smaller spoons are better. Are they more functional? No. Is this one super aesthetically pleasing? No (flat edge on the handle). But doesn’t everyone want to feel like a little mouse in hibernation eating ice-cream in a warm and cozy underground cavity? I certainly do.

6. This is the good serving spoon. It’s aesthetically pleasing, efficient, and doesn’t have any disturbingly shaped scallops. It’s a good spoon, but small spoons are always better, and, I mean, I use serving spoons a lot less than regular spoons. 

5. Although it’s less fun, this is the most practical of all the small wooden spoons. It also has the nice, dark, variegated wood grain. It gives tavern, bard-core, if you will.

4. My contraband Hewitt spoon. The teaspoon size. A classic, sleek, efficient design. Good weight and balance. Good bowl depth. You know the drill.

3. This is very similar to the previous wiggly wooden spoon, but look at the wood grain! The color! She’s fun, she’s flirty, and she’ll mix my Emergen-C unlike any other spoon. This one also feels bursting with personality.

2. Come on! It’s too good, just look at it. The gold, the patterned handle, the long stem. It makes my life feel much fancier than it is. It is perfect for an elegant cup of tea or a spoonful of caviar. It is ornate and lavish but tiny enough where it does not intrude in the eating of our not-so-fancy frozen Trader Joe’s meals.

1. Finally, the spoon to outspoon all spoons. The spoon I was told expressly several times not to steal from my house, which I did in fact steal from my house. This is the peak of human engineering. The sleek round edged handle, the balance of the handle and the bowl, aerodynamic bowl tip, elegant drop, good weight. You simply can’t beat it. It’s the best spoon for all purposes.

Do you agree? How do you assess the goodness/badness of a spoon? Do you? Should you?

Featured spoons image via Look and Learn

Spoons via Author