They love to say Barnard isn’t a part of Columbia until they need more protein: an investigation by Guest Writer Zoe Berry.

Barnard’s Hewitt Dining Hall is a staple for any Barnard baddie. Fit with oat milk, relatively short lines, and a variety of changing entree options, Hewitt seldom disappoints. And as a first-year who became well-acquainted with the trek to the basement during NSOP, I assumed that Hewitt’s chill, girly vibe would be a welcome escape from the rumored chaos of Columbia dining.

But on the first day of classes, I was struck by a shocking sight. Crowding the dining room with plates stacked with protein, Columbia’s male student-athletes had taken over Hewitt. If you haven’t had the pleasure of trying to dodge someone sporting a “COLUMBIA GOLF” shirt on your way to the omelet station, do not fear: simply whisper “this has great macros” and they’ll appear. 

This is not to say they have no right to be there, I too have frequented Columbia’s dining halls and looked painfully out of place in the process (someone please explain the JJ’s Place lines to me, I just want chicken tenders). Still, one must consider why, despite the eight readily-available dining halls on their side of Broadway, Columbia’s male student-athletes love Barnard’s so much. 

Could it be the macro-heavy meals and lack of compostable flatware? The long high-top tables fit for a recreation of da Vinci’s The Last Supper with the entire swim-dive team? The waffle maker? They must be finding out from some Columbia email, because my @barnard.edu self has no idea. 

It’s no secret that the Barnumbia relationship is a complicated one. Given the current state of campus and its isolation from the rest of the neighborhood, maybe we should embrace some new faces in Hewitt. We ought to take care of each other as one community, united by the line to swipe into campus on 116th and Broadway. 

My solution? Meet the gym bros halfway and head over to Dodge—maybe they have the right idea about Barnard dining’s suitability for bulking season.

Hewitt plates via Bwog Archives