Some of these statues must have snuck onto campus the way they do not belong. (I apologize in advance to Art History majors.)

15. Reclining Figure ☆☆☆☆☆

What even is this? As if the title isn’t vague enough (seriously, they couldn’t have picked a more creative name?) Columbia News’ description of the statue is a guess that’s as good as mine: “possibly representing a woman resting on one side of her body.” Possibly? How can you not definitively know what the statue you installed on campus represents? Negative aura. 

14. Life Force ☆☆☆☆☆

Again, what? This one just makes me mad. It’s so odd and out of place, the lawn would look perfectly fine without it. This thing does not live up to the title of “Life Force.” I rank it higher than Reclining Figure only because its name offers a faint glimmer of creativity.

13. Curl ★☆☆☆☆

The Curl is just so random. I’ve read that the artist was influenced by the “sound of jazz,” and I can kind of, sort of, (if I really, really try), see the vision—but, overall, I remain unimpressed. I give it one star for its minimalist, clean aura; it’s aesthetic but not memorable.

12. Three-Way Piece, No. 1: Points ★☆☆☆☆

I remember thinking this was the coolest statue on campus when my orientation group and I discovered that it turns. Now, The Tooth Statue (because what even is that official title?) has lost its charm. I’m sick of seeing it every time I’m on my way to my American Politics lecture. One star for the nostalgia of dilly dallying around campus before midterms hit.

11. Thomas Jefferson ★☆☆☆☆

Jefferson has no purpose in his stance. He looks like he’s not even quite sure why he’s a statue on this campus. And he could also definitely work on straightening his posture. I feel obligated to give him one star (founding father and all), but otherwise, his presence is underwhelming.

10. Bellerophon Taming Pegasus ★★☆☆☆

Even now that I finally know the name of this statue, I still can’t quite distinguish between Bellerophon and the pegasus. The entire thing just looks like a blob at first, second, and third glance. I stopped trying to figure out what was going on a while ago. Still, two stars because taming a pegasus must be hard.

9. The Great God Pan ★★☆☆☆

Pan actually has a pretty cool, mysterious aura in the way he lays down comfortably like he owns the place. If he could speak, I’m positive he’d have a lot of tea to spill about this university. But, I have to say, he’s a little bit too freaky to give too many stars… Two stars is enough (at most, two and a half).

8. North & South Pylon ★★★☆☆

I genuinely forgot about these statues, but I give them a solid three. What do we need public safety for when they guard the main gates to our campus 24/7? These statues don’t demand much attention as they blend into the pylons behind them, but I think the quiet guardians of campus deserve more recognition.

7. Tightrope Walker ★★★☆☆

I respect this statue. It’s not confusing, its name isn’t deceiving, and in comparison to some of the other obnoxiously large (and simultaneously stupid statues), the Tightrope Walker is very considerate with the amount of space it takes up. I might even bump this up to a three and a half; walking on a tightrope with a man on your shoulders is no easy fear.

6. Alexander Hamilton ★★★★☆

Hamilton really knows how to strike a pose. He stands pridefully in front of the Hamilton Hall. I can almost hear him bragging about how his name is on the hall. Four stars for confidence, we should all walk into class with this level of self-assurance.

5. The Thinker (Le Penseur) ★★★★☆

He’s not just thinking, he’s overthinking. Le Penseur is the most relatable statue on campus. He could be calculating the score he must get on an upcoming exam in order to get an A in the class, wondering why he got rejected from an on-campus club when he thought the coffee chat had gone pretty well, or simply having an existential crisis. Free Le Penseur and free us. 

4. Le Marteleur (The Hammersmith) ★★★★☆

This statue has a powerful stance and an even more intimidating gaze. If you put Le Marteleur and Le Penseur across from each other, Le Marteleur would definitely call out Le Penseur for just sitting there instead of doing something productive. I give him four stars, mostly because I’m too afraid to rank him any lower, please don’t judge me Le Marteleur.

3. Scholar’s Lion ★★★★★

Go Lions! In 1910, when the Alumni Association of Columbia College met to discuss the University’s mascot, George Brokaw Compton said, “We have the King’s Crown… Let us have the lion.” The lion is “the king of the jungle,” an apex predator, and in astrology, associated with the sun—all around the most aura-emanating animal, and therefore, a five-star statue. 

2. Spirit of the Greek Games ★★★★★

She’s bold, she’s beautiful, she’s Barnard. Every time I pass by I can feel the aura radiating off of her: mid-action, mission-oriented, ready to conquer anything thrown her way. She’s athletic and she’s artsy, she inspires me to chase my dreams, and maybe start going to the gym regularly. The Spirit of the Greek Games is my Statue of Liberty. 

1. Alma Mater ★★★★★

She’s an icon, she’s a legend, she is the moment. Alma Mater is undeniably the queen of campus statues. Everyone knows her, and everyone wants to take a picture with her. She watches over campus, perched on her throne in front of Low Library, with her serene yet commanding aura. Alma Mater has no competition—she is that girl.

Statues via Bwog Archives