Not this kind of mouse, duh.

Yesterday, Bwog received tips that there was a mouse auditing a social psychology and political science class in 501 Schermerhorn. Senior Staff Writer Alexander Pines brings you this recollection of the events from the mouse’s perspective.

This wouldn’t have happened if Schermerhorn was a normal building, not some House of Leaves shit.

I saw a poster in Hamilton for one of those neat IRWAG events in the Schermerhorn Extension (what, you think mice can’t be feminists? Up your inter-species intersectionality) and got completely lost. Things have been going downhill ever since they turned Wallach into Furnald (without A/C, of course, the bastards). Used to be we could roam the LLC–sleep on countertops, live in dishwashers (how’s it going, Hartley 6?), sneak under doorways into those cozy little prison cells rooms. But now that Wallach is all nice, the available territory in the LLC is just Hartley. And with how stressful it is to live in Columbia housing, I imagine all the kids are going to get therapy cats.

But anyway, so I’m in Schermerhorn looking for that stupid extension. I’ve been there before, but all I had to do was follow a kid in a hand-made Ani Difranco shirt (figured we’d end up at the same riot grrrl event). I thought about trying to follow the handicap-accessible signs, but you assholes have them at human height. See what I mean about intersectionality?

I ended up going up and down stairs and walking in circles, because I figured that would basically suffice. I was starting to get pretty hungry, so when I saw a bunch of muffin crumbs I decided to follow the trail. I sniff my way into 501, figuring everyone would be asleep anyway, when all of a sudden people start screaming. What the hell, guys? People think it’s okay to do experiments on my family, put my friends in horrible little sticky traps where they rip their fur off in an attempt to escape before starving to death, and write books about feeding us cookies, why can’t a guy get his snack on?

I managed to make my escape, but still couldn’t find my way into the extension. I wandered around for another hour, got to the bottom of some random staircase, and ended up in the engineering terrace. Hope no one thinks I look like an experiment.

Obligatory Mean Girls reference via Wikimedia.