This could be ur TA but u never go to lecture

Keeping in line with this week’s theme of mimicking bad content from other publications, we bring you our version of the real campus cutie you care about—the broody TA from your intro lecture.

Name: You don’t actually know… You just know their UNI from emailing them at 11:50 PM the night before the midterm asking a question.

Hometown: Some innocuous small town in the Midwest, or somewhere outside the U.S.

Majors: Well, it depends if you’re counting all of the Ph.D. programs they’re currently in. But probably Political Science.

Campus activities: Smoking a cigarette outside Butler or crying into their $5 Halal.

Describe yourself in less than ten words: “Discussion section is mandatory.”

Proudest moment: When a kid in at the other end of the table actually laughed at my joke during recitation.

Where one can find you on campus? Grading shitty papers in Joe.

Favorite off-campus spot? Wait… there’s life outside of Morningside Heights?

Best pick-up line: Your grade isn’t the only curve I ruin.

Current relationship status: Sad Columbia Boy.

Three traits you look for in a partner:

1. Someone who regularly attends discussion section and actually answers my questions.
2. The ability to write a precise thesis statement.
3. An unlimited printing quota.

Biggest turn off: People who haven’t read The Iliad.

Picture via Sad Columbia Boys instagram