Columbia students recently received an impassioned plea from Associate Director of Residential Life Scott D. Helfrich begging them to open their hearts and rooms to prospective students. ResLife still needs 100 more hosts for Days on Campus and Perspectives on Diversity. But have no fear, Associate Director Helfrich! Bwog has plenty of ways to incentivize students to host, and if that fails, places for prospies to sleep that aren’t the grimy floor of an EC suite.

Incentives

• Offer to let every Columbia student who hosts be exempt from one final of their choosing.
• Repeal the amendment that states: “No prospective Student shall, in time of peace be quartered in any dorm room, without the consent of the Resident, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.”
• Give every EC suite a get-out-of-trouble free card so they can throw as many parties as they want in exchange for taking three students each.
• Give $1,000 to the Bacchanal Committee for every student who hosts.

Alternatives

• In the comfy chairs in the Lerner piano lounge or Millie.
• Slumber party at PrezBo’s house!
• Have them sleep in Butler, for practice, and everyone will just think they’re taking a break from studying.
• Kick out all the frats and use their brownstones.
• Tell them that Avery is about to be converted to a farm and that they should soak it all up while they still can.
• Diana architecture studio, all the CC architecture majors sleep in there already because they never want to walk back to their dorms.
• A midnight train going anywhere. (You’ll never see them again.) Alternatively, a midnight train to Georgia.

Never say that Bwog doesn’t do its part via Scott Helfrich