Bwog doesn’t have the cash to “pimp your room,” and we certainly don’t want to raid it and then date you. So we bring you our semi-weekly feature, the “Cribs-esque” Room Hopping, continuing with…

Gabi, Moe, Celia, Sara (left to right) and Tom (not pictured), some adventurous and artsy juniors and seniors, set out from their EC exclusion suite on a mission. They had a blue Craigslist couch (right) to retrieve from its owner on 86th Street, and they weren’t going to let anything — not Housing and Dining’s rules about renting bins for only two hours, nor the steep slope of the Upper West Side — get in their way.

The couch was essential. It would become a member of the EC1406 family, and would be affectionately referred to as “Peeb’r.”

Why Peeb’r?

On the day they got the couch, Gabi says, “alot of PBR was consumed.”

The story sounds like it would make a horribly corny montage in an 80’s teen movie:

The bubbly and effusive protagonists rolled their H&D bin all they way to 86th street, just to find out the couch couldn’t fit into the bin. So they loaded the bin with six packs of Pabst Blue Ribbon, a desk chair and TV cart also acquired from Upper West Side apartments, via Craigslist, and put the couch on top of it all. “Old ladies were jumping out of the way,” says Gabi.

Our slightly tipsy heroes and heroines then ran into some people trashing all of their possessions in preparation for a big move (down the block). The family seized the opportunity to help these struggling and wholesome CU students, and thus loaded them up with dishware, cups, and silverware and an authentic Army trunk (left).

“I’ve definitely been eating the canned goods they gave us too,” says Gabi.

They continued their trek up the West Side barhopping — couch, desk chair, and army trunk in tow.

Their other couch was acquired similarly adventurously. It didn’t fit through the door of the apartment they were removing it from, so they hoisted it through the window.

“We were planning on doing an Ikea run unil we realized how much we could get for free,” says Celia.

A trip to 1406 would not be complete without paying respects to Jessica Simpson at the group’s makeshift shrine. Take note of the virgin mary alter candles (from a 99 cents store), the hemp Buddha candles, the menorah (from Gabi’s friend’s Hannukkah care packages), and the “multicultural woman” in the right corner, now broken.

As for the aesthetics of the suite — there’s a lot of washable crayon on the walls. They drew a stoplight on the wall for this year’s epic “stoplight party.” Wearing red? “Stop I’m taken!” Wearing yellow? “Proceed with caution, you never know…” and Wearing green? “Go for it!”

And they say their party even made some matches that evening. The cause was helped by the suite storage closet that they converted into a “seven minutes in heaven” den.

Have a tricked-out dorm, or wish to volunteer a friend/foe’s room? E-mail bwgossip@columbia.edu, and we’ll send a correspondent to scrutinize your living space for next week’s edition of room hopping!