Yes, I did do this to myself, but still.

With the weather being quite agreeable recently and events and parties happening on the lawns, it has been wonderful to see students outside enjoying the weather and each other. It is serene seeing friends chatting on a blanket, studious students soaking up the sun, and the awakening of glamorous spring and summer outfits. However, my favorite sights to behold are the delightfully delicious gaggles of guys playing spikeball, throwing footballs, and kicking soccer balls shirtless. If only one (or multiple, as I am open to opportunities) of these toned men would throw me across their bed and play with me. But I digress.

I just wish I could do as all these other students are doing and enjoy the perfect time of the temperature slowly going down as the sun sets—those last hours of sunlight that are simply beautiful. The constant stream of free food that has been present is also very tempting.

However, I cannot, for I have class from 6:10 to 8 pm. As such, while I am walking to Hamilton—a class location which notably means that I have to see the lawns on my way to class—every Tuesday and Thursday I yearn to be outside. Being in Hamilton is especially torturous as I can hear and see everyone outside, but I am stuck inside. I am constantly being teased, but never given the ecstasy of release. I could stay outside after my class, but, at that point, the sun is down, events are wrapping up, and the vibe is simply not the same. Many of my friends also do not wish to sit outside (with or without me), but that is a separate problem of needing to find more friends or replacements for the ones I have.

While I do enjoy complaining, I must admit that I did bring this upon myself. I willingly chose a class in this time slot, and I have done this every semester. Since later classes allow me to maintain my night owl schedule better, I prefer them as I can get sleep and be more present in class than the husk of me that attends 8:40 am lectures. On top of this, later classes, in my experience, have generally been more laid back, which is a positive. As in other areas of life, such positives have tradeoffs, and not being able to attend events—why are they planned at this time despite the organizers knowing that people have classes at this time anyway?—or join others on the lawns are the ones I have to live with.

Regrettably, I have wasted away countless afternoons and evenings in my room that could have been spent with me being outside with friends, strangers, a hot partner, or simply myself. Being a senior, I cannot get that time or those chances to make memories back again. With that in mind, I shall have to make the most of the time I have left, especially in these days before graduation construction consumes the lawns.

Now, you may note that I did not mention any other day. I may or may not be free during those days, but that is besides the point. Let me have this.

South lawn via Bwarchives