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CU Assassins has finally come to a bloody, ruthless end. “The Commissioners” have informed the participants via email that Team “Teamname” officially won the game with three Agents still alive when Agent Claytoya murdered Agent bearclaw at 1:30pm today.
Though the last kill appears to be a clean one, the recent animosity over unclear kills persisted to the very end. The second to last of the kill reports contains an exerpt of an angry email sent by the victim to her murderer:
Time of Death: Monday, March 23 at 08:32 PM
Location of Death: Vine
Summary of Death: A great team, a great sport, a great kill. Also, i would just like to post part of an email sent to us by our previous victims… Enjoy. “Dear Douchebags, “I don’t know exactly who’s cock you sucked on the rules committee, but seriously, could you be any more of a bunch of jackasses?” skip to the end. “All in all, I’m just amazed that you kids can turn a few tiny drops into a clean shot to the back in each case. That must be some fantastic head for the rules chair. But I don’t want there to be any hard feelings, so I want to get each of you a consolation prize: a travel-sized bottle of Scope to get the taste of fresh cum out of your mouths. Enjoy your victory, you’ve certainly earned it. “Sincerely, A person who enjoyed this game until some douches took it over. (Aka Agent Tiger Steelrail)” Vined em. Then END.
In addition to politely apologizing for any judgments players might (just maybe) have found unfair, the email from on high awards Agent bearclaw the prize for most kills, Officer Darwin the award for best Police Officer, and Agent the candlestick a big hug from the ESC president for being the first agent killed.
Many congratulations to the various winners – may your aim always be true and your trigger fingers muscular.
(Photo above is of next year’s winners. No photo available of this year’s winning team)
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24 Comments
@gay. gay.
@ABM Quoted from “The Die” from Lupe, cop dat shit mayn.
@Angry Black Man To quote from the great Lupe Fiasco aka “The Cool”
Well I heard like group of cows
That all your enemies wanna shoot you down
They got ak 47’s and a bunch of mac 11’s
Semi automatic weapons that produce ka pows
Word on the street is, they all got heatas
They gon hit you up and you ain’t even gon see it
You gotta lot of money, I ain’t tryna be funny
But they say where you goin, you ain’t even gon need it
They see you ridin round, shinin with your fine round diamonds
Pretty green eyed lady
Been on tha sideline poutin, while you primetime poppin
Hungry niggas want a piece of your pastry
I suggest you protect your bakery
Cause they comin for your head,
And its a bounty on that chain thats hangin from your neck
They said
I don’t know
What you been told in your ear, but I hear its goin down
Sombody gotta
DIE!!!
Don’t know what you been told in your ear, but business goin round
Sombody gotta
DIE!!!
[Verse 2]
[Gemstones]
Hitta nigga wit tha mini mac strap, clap
Any nigga think he gettin keys down here
Any meeta, any nigga gettin money, or my honey, man heard michael young is the reclown here
Run up on a nigga from tha back wit a mac
Or be strapped cause a nigga finna squeeze off 10
Run up on his nigga lac ratta tat tat,
Click clack where this nigga at
I need sin
Shit is goin down if i see him
Bump a nigga out like oxy ten
And keep a couple of dollas up in tha wallet
To pay they cops so they can never box me in
DIE!!!
Thats what im thinkin
While ridin around polishin this big pistol
Imma catch him in tha wind
Pray tha gun don’t jam
So until we meet again
Nigga its cool!
I don’t know
What you been told in your ear, but I hear its goin down
Sombody gotta
DIE!!!
Don’t know what you been told in your ear, but business goin round
Sombody gotta
DIE!!!
Don’t pay them niggas no mind
They hatin on you ain’t nobody witta shotty
Planin on doin a robbery
Itchin to catch a body
Creepin in a stolen jalopy
Out there waitin on you
sittin in a stolen car, finna rob this nigga
Should i let the mini mac or tha shotgun hit him?
I been waitin all day tryna spot this nigga
I can’t let him get away, im gon pop this nigga! UHHHH
Plus they don’t know about the choppa in tha trunk
Tha glocks in a box and tha nine on tuck
The bullet proof glass the 40’s in tha stash
You pull tha steerin wheel and it pop on up
40 caliber stashed up in tha stash box
Bullet proof windows, you couldn’t break em wit a padlock
Ak in tha trunk, where tha sounds bump
Two twin glock 40’s and a nine and this damn clock?
Maaaaaaan
We tryna go up in this club
Show a little love
Get a few drinks
Holla at some girls
Snatch up a pair
Leave outta there
Put some dro in tha air
And then go and get some grub
We finna go up in tha club
Show a little love
Get a few drinks
Holla at some girls
Snatch up a pair
Leave outta there
Put some dro in tha air
And then catch a few slugs
ay pull over right here, i gotta take a pee
And don’t go nowhere nigga wait for me
And if some niggas do kill you in the next few minutes
Just remember my nigga its a heaven for a G.
GREATNESS.
@Disbelief I apologize. I am just retarded. Excuse my retardedness.
@disdisbelief As an argument to say that she WASN’T shot, she claimed that the water on her back was ricocheted from her twin. Then according to that logic the kill wouldn’t count. So, yeah, they made up that argument to defend themselves. Thank you.
@i agree I second that.
see? I can make two posts in a row and agree with myself too. your time stamps are 10 minutes apart moron.
@time stamps you can click track to see who wrote what comment. Clearly i did not agree with myself, but i happened to agree with my friend 10 minutes after he posted. nice job, friend.
@dumb the argument that water splashed from the wrong twin’s back on to the correct target was made by the dumb twins themselves. I thought this argument was quite funny as well, just like the rest of their team’s whining.
@disbelief “the argument that water splashed from the wrong twin’s back on to the correct target was made by the dumb twins themselves.”
The twins argued against themselves? riiight and next they admitted to being the ones who gave out everyone’s Social Security Number last year.
@how in the world and yes, that is how they won… by whining.
@how in the world How in the world do you shoot the real target’s twin and then claim a kill? whining little pukes claimed he shouldn’t be punished for shooting the wrong twin… THAT’S THE GAME IDIOT..ASSASSINATE THE REAL TARGET!
oh and i love the argument that water splashed from the wrong twin’s back on to the correct target…SHE WAS WEARING A HOODIE NOT A LARGE PIECE OF PLASTIC….
@dumb as well Yes, the twins were the one who claimed the water ricocheted. I thought that was one of the most ridiculous things I have ever heard. I mean, ever. Ridiculous.
@Agent bearclaw Is one of the finest agents to have played this game. I personally witnessed her amazing commitment and thorough planning. Having managed 12 kills and some pretty intense stakeouts, I think that Bwog should definitely interview her so that other teams see how Assassins should be played.
@agreed. I second that.
@Pee Ess Aych Our record of winning with zero kills still reigns supreme.
@from what i heard the final kill really wasn’t so clean.
@meh yeah well, neither is your mother.
@For the dancing beauties You suck at life and we win. Then end.
@but it feels good!
@why must bowg stereotype black people?
@Simple. Because you touch yourself at night.
@Also WINS IT! SUCK IT BEAUTIES!
@correction The email was not sent by leaping frog. It was sent by Agent Tiger Steelrail (not a girl, surprisingly). Thank you, just wanted to clear the air. Leaping frog was a great sport, and recognized my amazing clean public restaurant kill.
@senior the freshmen seem to look younger and younger each year don’t they?