CU Assassins has finally come to a bloody, ruthless end. “The Commissioners” have informed the participants via email that Team “Teamname” officially won the game with three Agents still alive when Agent Claytoya murdered Agent bearclaw at 1:30pm today.
Though the last kill appears to be a clean one, the recent animosity over unclear kills persisted to the very end. The second to last of the kill reports contains an exerpt of an angry email sent by the victim to her murderer:
Time of Death: Monday, March 23 at 08:32 PM
Location of Death: Vine
Summary of Death: A great team, a great sport, a great kill. Also, i would just like to post part of an email sent to us by our previous victims… Enjoy. “Dear Douchebags, “I don’t know exactly who’s cock you sucked on the rules committee, but seriously, could you be any more of a bunch of jackasses?” skip to the end. “All in all, I’m just amazed that you kids can turn a few tiny drops into a clean shot to the back in each case. That must be some fantastic head for the rules chair. But I don’t want there to be any hard feelings, so I want to get each of you a consolation prize: a travel-sized bottle of Scope to get the taste of fresh cum out of your mouths. Enjoy your victory, you’ve certainly earned it. “Sincerely, A person who enjoyed this game until some douches took it over. (Aka Agent Tiger Steelrail)” Vined em. Then END.
In addition to politely apologizing for any judgments players might (just maybe) have found unfair, the email from on high awards Agent bearclaw the prize for most kills, Officer Darwin the award for best Police Officer, and Agent the candlestick a big hug from the ESC president for being the first agent killed.
Many congratulations to the various winners – may your aim always be true and your trigger fingers muscular.
(Photo above is of next year’s winners. No photo available of this year’s winning team)