Some Bastards Stole Someone’s Fish
Bwog just received an awful tip on this once-innocent Tuesday evening: a resident of John Jay has had their pet fish stolen. The abducted animal is a dark red beta fish who goes by the name of Fishy. Tipster Chelsea G, who lives on John Jay 6, appealed to Bwog for help in finding her pet; below is a screenshot of the fish and her request.
Fishy has already been meme-ified in the mass distress following his disappearance, and Chelsea has left fish food outside her door in case the despicable human beings who stole Fishy are reading this right now and haven’t thought about feeding him yet. We encourage anyone who has information on the missing underwater creature to contact tips or use hashtag “#findfishy.”
“He’s already been meme-ified! D: I’m desperately trying to study for a physics midterm, BUT I NEED HIM. He’s gotten me through midterms before…what will happen now? WHO IN THE HELL STEALS A FISH WITHOUT TAKING THE FISHTANK?!?! There was a lid on the tank, so he couldn’t have gotten out on his own. (Though I do admit he is absolutely brilliant). There’s fish food outside my room in case the culprit hasn’t thought to purchase any yet. I just want Fishy back safe and sound.”
Seriously, guys? You couldn’t find meaning in your own sad existences so you had to steal somebody’s pet? You sick fucks.