Freshmen Throw Weirdest Party Ever

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We received this video of a party in the John Jay laundry room from freshman Matteo Leibowitz. Let’s just say that this is the most awkward party we’ve ever seen (certainly not on the Grisham level)—you really have to see it for yourself:

We originally thought it was another propaganda video from CCSC, but that seems unlikely given the lack of snake-perspective shots. Besides, the student councils would never pass up an opportunity to use #OurBlue by using #HYPEMERCHANTS instead.

Why did they have a party in the laundry room, where there’s smelly water leaking from the washing machines? Why are there unrelated laundromats in the beginning? Did they throw the party just for a video? Why do only two people look happy? And finally, why the hell did Leibowitz send 17 emails to us linking to this video? So many questions. So few answers.

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  1. what the hell  

    is this white nonsense

  2. Anonymous  

    God damn it white people.

  3. Stu

    That video sucked s#!+ and I think it gave me epilepsy.

  4. Dear Matteo Leibowitz,  

    Who do you think you are, tarnishing the good name of Mark Titus, the original @clubtrillion?

  5. clubtrill  

    comic sans the new uncanny of parties

  6. Arsene Wenger /implosion/ edition

    Will Hype Merchants be available to travel to Swansea on Tuesday? They will undoubtedly inject some mental hype into our depleted squad

  7. all you americans out there taking this seriously might want to check out  
  8. wtf  

    did I just watch?

  9. Anonymous  

    For the love of god I'm trying to do laundry can we please call haboosh to shut this nonsense down

  10. THIS  

    Is why i hate this school

    • Ted Bundy  

      The fact that any undergrad could be this actively butthurt over some benign freshman bullshit they read about at 12:30 on the Sunday night back from Spring break is a much more compelling reason to hate Columbia than this blatantly sarcastic video.

  11. the Butler pr0n girls  

    Want to do a collaboration?

  12. how inefficient  

    theyre just getting their clothes sweaty again :/

  13. heh

    wow andrew pasquier should model!!!

  14. Not a freshman

    This is also why I hate this school. Miserable people, drinking themselves numb, acting like they are in 8th grade. Worthless spoiled morons.....

  15. confused

    bwog what is the point of this article

  16. ugh

    Wow, columbia still uses the gender-specific term "freshmen" to refer to people of all genders? That's so last century.

  17. znonh  

    AMA request for someone who attended this party

  18. this is almost as bad as a spec party

  19. Anonymous  

    This video actually made me kinda sad. No sign at all of alcohol, no snacks even. It's just a bunch of freshmen jumping around in a smelly room while some geek plays shitty music. The fact that this passes as a party for some people is sort of depressing.

    This video even bored the administrators/public safety/RAs who watched it.

  20. anon  

    I think the point is that this was a joke. and now their excellent radio show on wbar may have more listeners...check it out

  21. also

    you can't just call yourself Club Trillion. There's a reason it sounds familiar.

  22. the diana  

    hype merchants killed it at vareli, now killin in in the ***underground*** scene

  23. Anonymous  

    tags should also include "isaac sleator has a blast" and "close ups of aiden's face"

  24. wbar friend  

    still better than flaxo

  25. lol  

    lol self-censorship on the internet lol

  26. Jose Mourinho  

    Once again no sense of humor Columbia. Let me explain, it is a satire, a joke. Hype hype hype hype bare hype.

  27. im tough  

    Needs more sombreros

  28. hahahahhaha

    #andrewpasquier #alyssapaul.....bring da hype to the laundry room.

  29. literally  

    Alyssa Paul has a dank body and a wild side. I'd do.

  30. Anonymous  

    These types of things make me wonder whether I hate everyone at Columbia or love everyone at Columbia. . . i think hate.

  31. gentile  


  32. Go clement


  33. CC '14  

    The beat in this video goes hard tho... I cannot lie

  34. barsbarsbarsbars  

    kushkushkushkush---- check out this dope album, i'm definitely not clem
    barsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbars barsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbarsbars

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