Rare photo of Carman residents on their way to Butler, 2017 (colorized).

It’s finals week, which means four things: Eat, Sleep, Study, Repeat. However, there are a few key ways to free up time during your few moments of leisure and/or personal hygiene. Here are our top ideas.

1. Use bathroom hand dryers to dry your hair.

Hey, no shame. While the precise angle can be tough to nail (trust me, I know from personal experience,) those precious few seconds that the high-intensity blasts of air buy you can make the difference between remembering that crucial formula or flunking completely.

2. Why watch Khan Academy or listen to a podcast instead of studying… when you can do all three?

Knowledge is power. Therefore, three times as much knowledge at once equals three times as much power! Maximize your studying potential by utilizing different modes of studying, such as watching videos on Orgo while listening to an audiobook of The Aeneid and reading about high-order differential equations! For a fun challenge, do all three while on the treadmill at Butler. That’ll get those brain cells sweating!

3. Rappel down the side of your dorm.

I live in John Jay. The elevators are fine… unless it’s the one time you need them. Save time instead of waiting for the elevators or rushing down the staircase: just whip out the Columbia Housing carabiners and high-tensile rope that they handed out during Welcome Week and shimmy down the side of your dorm. That Latin vocabulary isn’t going to study itself!

4. Smuggle your textbook into a different final.

Look, I know you want to maximize your time during your calc final checking your sequences for convergence, but that doesn’t mean that you should take time off of studying the effects of quantitative easing for Intermediate Macro! A good tip is to wear enough coats so that the added bulk of your Econ textbook is hidden beneath the folds and study while taking the math final! You have no time to waste!

5. Disrupt the fabric of time and space itself.

You can do it, as long as you went to every single FroSci lecture.

Get us out of this place for a few minutes

While the study breaks during reading week are incredibly helpful and supportive, at times they can look similar – many of them featuring some classic variation of cookies and hot chocolate. We here at Bwog want to see some study breaks get weird. Here are our suggestions:

1) Columbia time-management-chart-themed study break. This study break would be very strictly organized, with 30% of the break allocated for group studying, 0.0119% for personal hygiene, and 0.0536% for actual free time. The free time would constitute of structured job searching. You would leave this study break asking yourself, “Why do I want free time, anyway?”

2) A CUCR study break, which would feature Steve Bannon and the NYPD. Make sure you don’t accidentally bring any pieces of paper above 8.5×11″. Though this study break would only occupy one room in Lerner, it would block everyone else from accessing the building for the rest of the day.

3) A Bwog study break. You would make friendship bracelets, bitch about Spec, and eat grapes.

3.5) An anti-Bwog study break. Similar concept as #3, except you would bitch about Bwog instead, and revisit some of our favorite hate comments. Bonus: the male a cappella groups on campus would probably make an appearance.

4) 1020 study break. Bad but free cranberry vodkas would be provided. This study break would also have a pool table and fun crafts, such as make-your-own-fake.

5) Ferris toast study break. You would literally go and make toast. While this study break would be fun, expect it to be really crowded. Avocado spread would be provided, but only before 10 am.

6) A Columbia BDSM study break. Hosted by the Columbia BDSM club, this study break would include wholesome activities such as learning how to tie someone up.

7) Fausta study break. This would consist of chilling with Fausta (the wonderful woman who swipes us into Ferris) for like half an hour. What more can you ask for from a study break?

8) A Stressbusters study break, except that instead of them giving you back rubs, they teach you how to give backrubs, so that you and your friends can stressbust each other.

Photo via 2015 Bwog

Barnard Admissions congratulating our future classmates

Yesterday evening, Early Decisions results for the Barnard College class of 2022 were released. According to Jennifer Fondiller, Dean of Enrollment Management, this year Barnard received 993 ED applications, which is a 6% increase over last year.

The future Barnard students selected hail from over 35 states and 20 countries, and include athletes, writers, scientists, and activists. The Admissions staff were very impressed with their aspirations and achievements so far. Welcome to Barnard, class of 2022!

Photo via the Barnard Admissions Facebook page

Omens…

Let’s reminisce on that time, long ago, when classes were on and professors still inspired. Inspired you not to go class. Or maybe, inspired you to actually go to class. Either way, there were classes and there were professors. Here’s our professors at their finest moments.

David Siegel: “I wish I did more charity work. Which is kinda why I teach here.”

Jon Snow, Cell Bio: “This is the real reason why I didn’t post the slides until this morning… I didn’t want to give away my sweet sheets upon sheets joke!”

Hisham Matar, Fiction Writing: “I think mac and cheese has got incredible potential.”

Peter Kelemen: “I lost my original wedding ring in a leaf bag.”

Ross Hamilton, 18th Century Literature: [While handing out the midterm] “It smells like marijuana in here.”

Tim Paine, Essential Data Structures: “The goal of this class is not to get an A.”

Lowkey me via amboo who?

She’s thinking about how chill and helpful this Bwog In Bed is, I promise.

It’s Wednesday, my dudes. Is that a primal scream you hear? Most definitely. Hop into bed with Bwog this morning and chill the fuck out before realising you have two days left until finals really begins.

Bwogline: Doug Jones wins! Jones wins the senate seat in the Alabama election against Roy Moore. The first Democrat to win the seat since the early 1990s, Jones’ victory means that the Republican majority in the Senate will be narrowed to 51-49. CNN’s exit poll found that Jones’ win “was fuelled by huge turnout — and near unanimous support — from black voters.” (CNN)

Study Tip: Don’t study. Don’t open a book, don’t pick up a pen, don’t flip a page. Butler? Forget her! Avery? Who cares! LeFrak? Literally never heard of it! If you don’t study, you don’t pass. If you don’t pass, you don’t graduate. If you don’t graduate, you don’t need to study any longer! Now isn’t that what higher education in the Ivy League is all about? It’s a “Yes” from Bwog.

Music: Never listened to any of these songs, but here’s a 7 minute and 51 second long playlist about our favourite day of the week!

Procrastination Tip: Collect all nearby pulpous fruit and lay it along the ground. Roll around in it. Feel your stress bleed away into the fruit. Wait to marinate.

Overheard: She grows out her armpit hair… she must smoke weed.