A reminder we all need occasionally.

JJ’s: home of fried food, lines longer than those for the Hamilton elevator, and more often than not, encounters we wish we would have forgotten in the morning. We collected a bunch of Bwogger’s strangest JJ’s stories; be sure to put yours in the comments!

JJ’s forces friendships

“One time my friends and I all put our stuff down at one of those high tables next to a TV (which was off). We came back and the only empty seat at the table had been taken by a random dude who’d turned on the TV to some sports game. We were all kinda like ‘huh?’ but sat our entire meal with him there. I’m pretty sure we discussed like sex and periods for a bit.”

JJ’s gets turnt

“One night I witnessed a guy throw up TWICE all over the floor: first near the condiment area, and second by the soda fountain. The first time he proceeded to pet his vomit as if it were a pet or something. It took three of his friends to stop him and convince him to head upstairs. As he headed back he looked at me and my friends and waved with the puke still on his hands and blew a kiss. Still confused.”

They get weirder from here…somehow.

This dish smells and tastes as good as it looks.

Ever thought about cooking, but were scared that you might be the next unfortunate soul that sets their dorm on fire? Ever grown tired of boxed pancake mixes, but remembered that one time when you confused baking soda for baking powder and ended up with a bitter, circular piece of cardboard? Well, fasten your bikini-bod apron strings and blast your hype music, Bwog is starting a weekly post for budget-friendly, non-threatening meals that anyone can make.

Bwog adapted a few recipes from Alison Roman’s new cookbook Dining In. We like to make this Harissa Roasted Eggplant and Cumin Roasted Cauliflower dish into a full meal by serving it with garlic naan and garlic hummus from Trader Joe’s. If you’re feeling less ambitious, you can also toast regular bread with butter and minced garlic in a skillet and snag some hummus from your favorite dining hall.

Harissa Roasted Eggplant Adapted from Alison Roman

• 4-8 cloves of garlic, finely sliced (personally, the more garlic the better)
• 2-3 baby eggplants, thinly sliced into rounds
• kosher salt and freshly ground pepper
• olive oil
• 2 Tbsp harissa
• 1 Tbsp tomato paste
• ½ tsp cumin
• 3 Tbsp white vinegar
• ¼ c fresh dill leaves, coarsely chopped or torn

more yum after the jump

We all have somewhere we have to be.

It’s 10:08: you’re rushing to get to your seminar in Barnard Hall on time, but you’re still on college walk. You’re sprinting to get there on time before your professor makes another embarrassing comment. Here’s some rough spots on campus to find yourself when you’re crunched for time. 

1. Hamilton stairs: some people have to run all the way up to the 7th floor! Do not be that person that runs into their friend on the stairwell and then stops. Not cool.
2. Literally anywhere in John Jay or Ferris: especially at peak hours, these places are chaotic. If you’re going to block Bwog from getting to the pasta line, there’s going to be problems.
3. In the Barnard tunnel: we know that this is only temporary, but we want to bitch about it anyway. Your group of four blocking literally half of the walkway is making it hard for us to run to Fayerweather! Also, your voices echo in there, so we can hear everything.
4. Right outside of Mudd: getting to Mudd from anywhere else is bad enough, and trying to dodge the large groups of people that walk slowly out of the building makes things worse.
5. Near the entrance/exit of EC: we are all drunk, trying to get our IDs and head over to Mel’s! We’re also sweaty, and we don’t want to have to push our way through a huddled mass of people trying to get the attention of the security guard keeping our cards hostage.
6. Right in front of the Diana doors: Bwog loves love, but please don’t make out with your boyfriend right in front of the doors when it’s already tough enough to open those doors in the first place.
7. The front stairwell of Schermerhorn: it’s bad enough that they’re slippery when they’re wet. If you have to take a phone call, find some safe ground elsewhere.
8. The doorway of 1020: this isn’t technically on campus, but still annoying as hell. It’s early in the spring semester and it’s cold outside. Some of us are still working on being drunk enough to be comfortable standing outside.

Image via Wikimedia Commons 

“I live in shame, a whore awash in sewage.” -Dante/Me, standing by as someone pees in the dishwasher.

Though we all encounter the 9 circles of hell when we read Dante’s Inferno, there is a more familiar wretched zone that Vergil doesn’t tell us about: EC. The journey from campus to EC on a Friday night can be as difficult as Dante’s descent into Lucifer’s lair, so staff writer Megan Wylie is here to serve as your personal guide to Columbia’s own underworld. 

First Circle (Limbo): The bridge from campus to EC

East Campus at the core of the eternal inferno

The first step into a night of sin. Slowly but surely, you cross that fateful bridge across Amsterdam and began the voyage into hell. Though you can still sense the remnants of your academic responsibilities, the smell of cheap vodka growing more and more compelling.

Second Circle (Lust): The Lobby

You’ve already taken the leap from the collegiate environment to the gates of residential hell, so there’s no stopping your further descent: your carnal desire for watery beer and regret has overcome you. The only thing left to accomplish is getting past the sign in desk. As you see the rest of the Columbia community tap in with ease, your Barnard status leads you to fawn over any EC resident and you will do anything it takes to make it to the elevator.

Third Circle (Gluttony): Shots

Like the overindulgent sinners found by Dante, you yourself have taken part in downing drink after drink. Here we see the encapsulation of a lack of restraint, as shown with your consistent dysfunction while throwing back shots of watered down Svedka chased with Barefoot Moscato.

Fourth Circle (Greed): International Students

Like the people stuck in molten gold, this circle reminds you of pure, unadulterated wealth. Surrounded by Canada Goose parkas scattered around the floor, you are confronted with international students dripping in Chanel jewels and hundred dollar bills lined with coke.

Fifth Circle (Wrath): Someone throwing up on your shoes

Stuck in the Barnumbia equivalent of the River Styx, you find yourself overcome with anger as the kid on his fourth losing round of pong vomits onto your new boots that, despite your better judgment, you wore.

Sixth Circle (Heresy): Unironically cheering for Columbia Athletics

This is where you come into the heretical group of those worshipping false idols–the football team. Yes, they had a good start this year, but does that deserve the fawning group of drunk freshman falling at their feet?

Seventh Circle (Violence): Drunken Tension

As you make your way through the three sections of the violent circle, you see an array of students who have partaken in displays of violence. There’s the athlete who started a fight in the Mel’s bathroom, someone who tripped purposefully so their crush would help them up and a philosophy major spilling a beer on a copy of the bible.

Eighth Circle (Fraud): Pretending to have a boyfriend back home

It’s not that you enjoy being a fraud per se, but surrounded by a kid massively exaggerating the influence of some article he wrote in his high school’s newspaper, you fall into a trap of corruption. Despite the alcohol wanting to unleash all your truths, when he asks “so, do you wanna get out of here?” you succumb and cut him off with a quick  “I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.”

Ninth Circle (Treachery): The suite at 1 AM

Before the masses flee to 1020, the suite resembles the darkest point of hell. In this destitute ditch, the windows are steamed up, the music has shifted to bad throwbacks, kids are chasing the last remaining drops of vodka with minute maid, and it is near impossible to avoid your peers messily making out against a ‘Columbia’ flag.

Center of Hell: The Shaft

No explanation necessary but here’s one anyway. 

Follow our advice, and this could be you for the semester.

It’s a new year and a new semester, which means you probably made double the promises be a better student this semester. That can be a hard promise to keep, which is why Bwog is here with our best tips to help you get through Spring 2018 with your GPA intact. If you have any other suggestions, put them in the comments!

Going To Class

• Take as many notes as you can, even if you think writing down something is unnecessary (it might be important later on).
• Handwrite notes.
• If you have a question, ask.
• Actually go to office hours!
• Make a connection with your professors, because you will inevitably need them for a letter of rec.
• If you can, keep your phone at home or in your bag when you’re going to lecture.

What does Bwog suggest you do outside of the lecture hall?

Imagine this but dark

Guest Bwogger Danielle Mikaelian brings a more-terrifying-than-usual tale of EC elevators after they were plunged into sudden darkness over the weekend. Because everyone knows, the rules of human decency don’t apply anymore once the lights go out.

Sometimes you need to party your worries (and the concept of a GPA) away. If the brownstones on Frat Row aren’t enough to satisfy your wild college fantasies, you may find yourself at our beloved East Campus Residence Hall. Hoping to have fun, you follow the sound of blaring electronic music (and sometimes remixes of High School musical songs) and struggle to find a party that still has alc. Despite your plans, who knows what could happen? What happens in EC late at night is hardly predictable, as seen through sporadic JJ’s runs, students accidentally falling through multiple stories of EC, and running into that random person you hooked up with last weekend.

Our story begins at 3 am Saturday morning after I made the mistake of entering an EC elevator that was pitch black. The structure, devoid of light, created a haunting, strange environment akin to that of a prison cell. As the doors closed, I found myself with about ten other students…and eighteen floors to go. My blood ran cold as I contemplated the reasons behind this dark, twisted, enigmatic episode. What if this was an elaborate conspiracy to trap the future leaders of tomorrow? What if someone was trying to sabotage another student to take their Goldman internship? Who knew if the sudden darkness was masking the elevator being transported not to the EC lobby, but to Mars? I attempted to look around for clues, but the darkness concealed my surroundings, my fellow trapped inhabitants, and any panties possibly lying around. Escape seemed as impossible as getting PrezBo to be your sugar daddy.

Will she ever be free?

Sometimes, you just can’t get enough dogs in Riverside Park.

Happening in the World: A Brazilian court has upheld the corruption conviction of former president, Luiz Inácio Lula da Silva, potentially jeopardizing his current presidential campaign. He emerged as an early front-runner in the election this year but Brazilian law prohibits candidates with convictions held up on appeal to run for office, potientially opening the playing field for candidates. However, Lula’s fate may not be confirmed until as late as September, just a month before the election takes place. (NYT)

Happening in the US: Famed science fiction and fantasy author, Ursula Le Guin, passed away in her home at age 88. She is known for influencing a generation of genre writers and for works that challenged established notions of gender, sexuality, class and race. (BBC)

Happening in NYC: New York City has opened its first dog café! Unfortunately, Boris & Horton, located in the East Village, is BYOD (bring your own dog) but they will be hosting adoption and fostering events on the weekends!  (USA Today)

Happening on Campus: The Human Rights Program at Barnard is hosting a Meet-and-Greet today at 6 pm in Diana 501. Talk to professors and current/prospective majors, while enjoying the provided refreshments. (Apparently there will be falafel.) Check out the Facebook event!

Overheard: “You’ve been in New York for five months and you don’t have a sugar daddy yet?”

Word of the Day: Ennui, shamelessly stolen from the French, is a feeling of listlessness or dissatisfaction stemming from a lack of excitement in your life, which I’m sure is something we all can relate to.

I should buy my dog that sweater via Bwog Archives