Author Archive

Nov

18

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I don’t what the fuck this is/means, but this is what came up when I searched “no thanks” on Google. So you’re welcome.

With the onslaught of Thanksgiving, Bwog baby Idris O’Neill wanted to give thanks, or rather a no thanks, to all those Columbia men that ask girls to be part of their threesome fantasies. Here are her thoughts.

For the second time in a month, I was asked to be a part of a threesome. I don’t know what it is about being a Barnard first year that entices these men, but I promise I don’t believe in the “Barnard girls to bed, Columbia girls to wed” thing. I aspire for that ring too, goddammit. This one is for all the Barnard women who find themselves confronted with that awkward “you, me, her” (or him or them) suggestion, but were not adequately prepped by Foundations for it.

  1. “I have to go – I have to swipe into JJ’s before 1 am.”
  2. “This isn’t a Bechdel-passing interaction.”
  3. “I have to consult Athena first.”
  4. “I’m not sure which one of you I would call ‘daddy.’”
  5. “These chastity gates are closed.”
  6. “This threesome isn’t very diverse. I’d prefer my sexual interactions to look like the cover of an admissions pamphlet.”
  7. “Let’s unpack the gender politics of this.”
  8. “There’s more men in this interaction than I’d like in my life, ever.”
  9. “I’m concerned about how performative my bisexuality will appear.”

Get out of my life please via Pixabay

Nov

17

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What to caption this
That is only thirteen words?
Whoops. Made a haiku.

Last week in this indie publication called The New York Times, users submitted stories to the Modern Love column. The catch: they were only thirteen words long. We gave this exercise a stab with some Columbia-inspired shorts. 

 

We met at 1020, even though you don’t go here. Now we’re inseparable.

~

He had an essay due, yet texted me back anyway. Not for long.

~

Word of advice: don’t bang someone in your Lit Hum class.

~

We hit it off at 1020, then you whisked me away to Juilliard.

More stories after the break.

Nov

11

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You, screaming with joy after reading this list of exciting new classes to take this spring!

 

Spring registration starts *gasp* Monday. If you’ve been frantically checking CULPA slash Vergil slash EZACU, look no further. Here are Bwog’s top picks for classes to take this spring. Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the comments!

Art History: Jonathan Reynolds, Modern Japanese Architecture

“Don’t let the heavy reading load or 4000-level course number scare you – the course is totally doable with no prior art history knowledge, and Prof. Reynolds is one of the nicest and most interesting professors I’ve ever had.  Basically, take this if you’re a weeb.”

Biology: Hilary Callahan, Plants and Profits: The Global Power of Botany

“Professor Hilary Callahan (the Barnard bio department’s resident plant lady) is teaching a really cool new lecture/lab class on plant conservation that’s going to involve trips to the NY Botanical Garden!”

Core/English: Austin Graham, The 1960s; Lit Hum

“Take anything by Professor Thomas Austin Graham. He is an amazing professor; I had him for Lit Hum and miss him very much.”

Wow, thanks Bwog! What else should I take this spring?

Nov

3

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Columbia to the Met: the most pleasant 45-minute walk of your life

Fall break is already well underway, and many of us are eager to get out of the city for the long weekend. But if your’e not – if you’re stuck in this mouse-infested, temperature-inconsistent place for the next few days, how can you make the most of it? Here are some of Bwog’s suggestions:

  • Rush a Broadway show.
  • Walk to the Met through Central Park.
  • Go for an absurdly long bike ride.
  • Walk across a bridge (Brooklyn, Manhattan, Williamsburg, George Washington – any bridge will do.)
  • Go to the movies.
  • Explore a new borough.
  • Wash your sheets.
  • Cheer on the NYC marathoners (you might just see Karlie Kloss!)
  • Go to the Instragamable food place you’ve been telling yourself you’d go all year and haven’t been yet. Options include Do, Black Tap, the gelato place that does flowers, etc.
  • Get your aura read.
  • Watch the new season of Stranger Things.
  • Go thrift shopping in Brooklyn. (L Train Vintage, Urban Jungle.)
  • Go to the Bronx Zoo and/or New York Botanical Garden (they’re right next to each other!)
  • Redo your town in Animal Crossing.
  • Catch up on that class you’ve skipped for the past two weeks.
  • Go to Trader Joe’s (or Fairway!) on Monday and experience normal, healthy grocery shopping (compared to Sunday nights).
  • Get a tattoo.
  • Bake a pie.
  • Clean your room and get rid of all the stuff from the beginning of the beginning of the semester.
  • Learn how to pick a lock.
  • Go to a museum/attraction that’s free with CUID.
  • Stay in your bed for one full day.

And with this, we’re out for the next few days. Get some sleep, Columbia! And if you do anything particularly fun or exciting, tell us about it.

Nov

2

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“Awakening Our Democracy: Free Speech on Campus” was a panel that took place yesterday, Wednesday, November 1st at Columbia Journalism School. Bwoggers Aliya Schneider and Kiana Taghavi attended the event. Read what they have to say, and check out some photos.

On Wednesday, the Office of University Life hosted a conversation with moderator Jami Floyd (WNYC host and legal and media commentator) and panelists Jamal Greene (Columbia Law School Dwight Professor of Law), Suzanne Nossel (PEN America Executive Director), and Tanya Hernandez (Archibald R. Murray Professor of Law, Associate Director, Center on Race, Law and Justice at Fordham Law School). Four student organizations – Students of Color Association, Engineering Student Council, CU Speak, and White Coats 4 Black Lives – co-sponsored the event. Executive Vice President of University Life Professor Suzanne Goldberg introduced the speakers and the purpose of the panel.

The goal of the event was to address overarching concerns around free speech, both on the university’s campus and in the public domain. Questions were submitted by the audience.

(more…)

Nov

1

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One of those serious DJs

Never listened to a WBAR/WKCR show before? Want to? Don’t know where to start? Don’t worry, Bwog’s always looking out for you. Bwoggers, Jenny Zhu and Megan Chew, asked around Bwog and Barnumbia for the best radio shows our university has to offer. Here’s what the people have to say.

WBAR

Barnard Residential Life: Heard great things about Barnard Residential Life, 2 to 4am on Fridays. The show critiques Barnard Residential Life and Housing through music expression. There’s some controversial commentary about elevators.

Broadway on Broadway: This show is “excellent” and “a wild time”. They play show tunes from 8 to 10am on Tuesdays.

Challo This Time: With one DJ in New York City, one DJ studying abroad in Beijing, and a weekly in-studio guest, Challo This Time reps good times and South Asian tunes. They air from 12 to 2pm on Mondays.

Dead Deli: Airing on Saturdays from 4 to 6pm, Dead Deli plays an array of underground tunes. The DJs described the show as “TMZ meets bandcamp meet Google+”.

Don’t worry, there’s tons more!

Nov

1

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Imagine getting drunk in this beautiful apple orchard

For the average Barnard student, Appletree Deli becomes a crutch that carries them through the highs and lows of college living. Eventually, you might even find yourself on the deli line, trying to choose between a Jack Jack and a Tex Mex. A Barnard Bwogger discusses some of her experiences inside of Appletree.

After walking eleven blocks from 1020, my body starts to really feel the chilling breeze that wraps around the shadowy buildings. I cross my arms to keep the heat inside my jean jacket, regretting my clothing decision. As I walk past a pile of leaves, I refrain from saying, “fall aesthetic” and continue walking toward Plimpton Hall. Before I roll into bed and accept the fact that nursing a hangover will be a part of my morning routine, my eyes dance in the lights that illuminate the hidden gem of Morningside Heights: Appletree Deli.

I nearly trip on myself as I step into the store. I try to play off the fact that I am ridiculously drunk by warmly greeting the person behind the counter making sandwiches. I look up to see the abundant options before me: subs, grilled cheeses, and cheese burgers to help tend to my hungry stomach. I stand behind a guy that appears to be waiting for his order. He turns to look at me, and I attempt to keep my shit together. He strikes up a conversation, talking about this Halloween party he went to with his law school buds: you know, like one of those parties where you have to have facts on-hand for protection. I ask him what his costume is as I try to make sense of a black smudge on his face. He gave me a law school explanation. Figures.

But what about the sandwich?

Oct

31

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Hypothesis: Having a desk aesthetic improves your theses proposal performance.

Two years ago, Bwog celebrated thesis season by compiling a list of ninety-five prospective senior thesis topics that we imagined a Columbia student somewhere in the bowels of Butler might be writing. Today, on the 500th anniversary of Martin Luther nailing the original Ninety-Five Theses (or, the shitpost-that-launched-a-thousand-arguments-about-God) to the door of a church in Wittenburg, we present a brand new list. Good luck to all you seniors working hard on their own theses, and happy Halloween!

1. Bullshit: My Thesis

2. Gone, Baby, Gone: The Rise of Inter-Ethnic Kidnappings in the Post-Colonial Global South

3. Out, Brief Candle! How Long Each Scent of Yankee Candle Takes to Melt

4. Outlets in the Diana Cafe: A case study in resource partitioning and instraspecific competition

5. I.M. GAY: Expressions of Sexuality in 2000’s Chatroom Culture

6. Love and Other Mugs: The influence of Feminism and Erotocism in Post-Modern Pottery

7. Bye, Bye Birdie: How Our Obsession with House Music is Destroying the Song Patterns of Avian Species

8. 50 Shades of Khaki: The Evolution of Modern Men’s Fashion

9. Needle-wise: Are Vaccines to Blame for the Rise in Murderous Clown Plotlines?

10. The Plight of Flight: A Comparative Analysis of Aerodynamic Conspiracy Theories and Government Fear Tactics

11. One Small Step for Man: How Neil Armstrong’s Shoe Size Made Him the First Man on the Moon

You know how many more of these there are after the jump

Oct

31

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Once entering campus, the protesters convened on Low steps.

Students and city residents protested a Columbia University College Republicans event tonight featuring alt-right leader and Pizzagate conspiracy theorist Mike Cernovich, culminating in the alleged arrest of a student protester. This event follows a similar talk by Tommy Robinson, which was met with protests for which several students are now facing disciplinary action.

Hosted by a group called the Liberation Coalition, protesters gathered at 124th and Morningside Avenue, and began marching down Amsterdam towards Columbia at 7:30 pm. To the beat of a drum, the group of protesters engaged in chants such as “Hey Columbia, don’t you know? White supremacy’s got to go,” “No justice, no peace, fuck these racist ass police,” and “Punch a Nazi in the face, every nation, every race.” As they marched, a few local Morningside Heights residents passing by joined in these chants.

As part of its free speech month, CUCR had invited Cernovich to talk about “The Rise of Alternative Media.” In his speech in the Lerner Party Space, Cernovich mostly discussed misreporting and conflicts of interests among reporters for such outlets as CNN and the New York Times and how the “fake news media” is anxious over the rise of alternative media figures such as himself. He also took questions, both from CUCR members and other guests, about his previous statements on women, claims about diversity, and other topics of interest.

In the lobby, the protest group communicated with a few protesters that had already been in Lerner before obstruction of the entrance began.

After reaching Lerner Hall, the protesters were not allowed into the building itself. The protesters instead chanted in the lobby of Lerner for the rest of the protest. In fact, between 8 to 11 pm, Public Safety and NYPD officers barred every Columbia student, whether affiliated with the protests or not, from entering Lerner Hall, unless he or she was a registered attendee of the CUCR event. Students already inside Lerner at the time of the event were barred from entering the Party Space as well; elevators were locked on upper floors, and guards were stationed in stairwells so that only custodial workers and cafeteria staff would have access to the lowest levels of Lerner. Administration had not previously notified students of tonight’s obstructions of Lerner spaces.

Furthermore, according to multiple eyewitness accounts and an attendee of the event itself, one protester was body-slammed and arrested by NYPD and Public Safety at the corner of Lerner Hall and Broadway. The protester, who is believed to be a student, had allegedly taken the phone of a pro-Trump supporter outside of Lerner Hall and ran, before being taken into custody by the police. Witnesses, claiming that they had video of the event and the names of officers, also believe that the arrested protester is currently held at the 26th precinct.

More photos after the jump

Oct

30

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We already deal with the shitty pizza at Ferris outside of Halloweekend. Please do not dress up as it.

Written by Idris O’Neill, BC ’21

Year after year, we see the same slew of hastily thrown together, tired frat boy costumes and lazily constructed black cat outfits with makeup borrowed from your suitemate. It’s time to throw away your prop red solo cup, pastel shorts, and backwards caps and really step your game up. What’s a creative, CU-relevant costume you can rock this Halloween? Unfortunately, Bwog doesn’t have the answer to this. But what we do have are some suggestions of what not to do.

WALL STREET HUSBAND

What’s scarier: the men’s sports teams of Columbia dominating Hewitt during Meatless Monday or how much Barnard hates unions? Trick question – they’re both terrifying but only one is a plausible Halloween costume commentating on the campus’s political climate. This Halloween, opt for something less heavy-handed. The wound of DSpar is too fresh.

THE TENSION ON CAMPUS DURING ISRAELI WEEK
As terrifying as this one is, it’s not exactly the most pleasant thing to rock at an EC party. And it’s certainly not the kind of thing you want to discuss three cups into the mysterious Halloween-themed punch. Rejected for being too controversial. Also not tangible.

More ideas that may fuck you over.

Oct

30

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It’s that time of year again: a bunch of theater nerds send us an email at midnight announcing the people who have been budgeted an exorbitant amount of money to put together yet another mediocre Varsity Show. All we have to say is that our left titty could probably write a funnier show. Here’s the full creative team:

Director: Hazel Rosenblum-Sellers (CC ’19): Assistant Director, V122; Publicity Manager, V123
Producer: Emeline Bookspan (BC ’20): Assistant Stage Manager, V123
Writers: Shreyas Manohar (CC ’18): Actor, V122; Hayley Tillett (BC ’19)
Composer: Simon Broucke (CC ’19): Composer, V123
Lyrics: Alex Saltiel (GS ’19)
Choreographer: Christine Sedlack (BC ’19)
Production Designer: Yilun Ying (CC ’18): Assistant Set Designer, V122; Set Designer, V123
Stage Manager: Julia Zeh (CC ’18): Assistant Lighting Designer, V122

Oct

29

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low key wish I could look as serene as this witch

Happening in the World: 300,000 anti-independence protestors gather in the Catalan capital of Barcelona, Spain on Sunday following the Catalan Parliament’s vote on Friday to pursue unilateral independence. Protesters rallied after Madrid took unprecedented measures to quash the region’s bid to split from Spain (CNN).

Happening in the US: Miss seeing Obama in the public eye? What has he been up to post-White House? Former US President has been summoned for jury duty in the state of Illinois and is planning to serve, a court official says. We are expecting to see him in Cook County next month (BBC).

Happening in NYC: The Alumni Group is hosting an “Everybody Loves the 90’s: Halloween Weekend Edition Brunch & Day Party” from 12:00 PM – 7:00 PM today at MIST Harlem. Come join DJ E Class and some live boy bands as they bring you classic 90’s hip hop and R&B to keep you and your crew moving while you eat and drink (Eventbrite).

Happening on campus: The Kraft Center for Jewish Student Life will be hosting a Breast Cancer Awareness Blood Drive Campaign from 10:30 AM – 3:00 PM today. October is Breast Cancer Awareness Month. More info can be found here.

Overheard: I’m just trying to have a nice sleep, but there are literal freshmen blocking me from getting back to my room. Freshmen.

Image via Public Domain 

Oct

28

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Even the clouds are sweaty.

Let me set the stage for you: I’m at a football game. It’s late October. Three days before Halloween, in fact. Around this time, I would normally expect to be bundled up in a coat and scarf, a knitted hat keeping my head cozy as I hold onto a warm cup of coffee for dear life.

But instead, I’m sitting here in direct sunlight and 70-degree temperatures, sweating my ass off.

What gives, Columbia? The past few weeks have been a dangerous game of temperature roulette, as we’ve switched between sweltering humidity and a state tantalizingly close to sweater weather without so much of a second thought. It’s as though this campus is an experimental bubble, and some awful deity is flipping a switch from hot to slightly less hot just to make it even harder for us to survive midterms season (after all, how are we supposed to be motivated to go inside and study when it feels like beach weather outside?). It was even hot when we went to Dartmouth last weekend. DARTMOUTH. That place is supposed to be a TUNDRA.

At this point, we’re prepared for no snow in December, and we’ve accepted heat waves in March. But this refusal to just properly let fall be fall is the last straw. For gods sake, weather, we have so many cute sweaters and scarves! Let us wear them!

Oct

28

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Purchase at your own risk…

So, you need a broom, or a new pair of headphones, or some other menial item that seemed inconsequential until you attempted to live life without it. To find it, it’s inevitable that you’ll turn to one place: Duane Reade. Those brightly lit aisles have every menial item you could possibly need, but they also have some of the most blatantly cheap pieces of manufacturing you will ever see. In order to help you figure out when you can shop at Duane Reade and when you should opt for a more expensive alternative, Bwog has compiled a helpful power ranking.

  1. Iron: Two of your four years at Columbia. Most likely the latter two, because that’s when you will actually own enough business casual clothing to utilize it.
  2. Comb: One semester, if you’re careful – pulling it through your hair too abruptly will cause the teeth to snap off, leaving you with half a comb.
  3. Coffeemaker: From whenever you buy it until finals season, when your suitemate will push it slightly off balance on the counter and send it shattering on the floor. (This may sound fake, but it has happened to me multiple times.)
  4. String lights: Two months, at which point they’ll fizzle out one by one (just like the motivations to do well in each of your classes). But honestly, this one’s on you – why were you buying lights at Duane Reade in the first place?
  5. Air mattress: Six weeks or six usages, whichever comes first. Duane Reade’s fancy “air bed” might seem impressive, but one loose pin on your floor will cause it to rip faster than the jeans you thought would be fine clothing for yoga on the lawns.
  6. Headphones: One month. The special discount pairs that Duane Reade never seems to run low on are great for about three weeks, and then one headphone inevitably stops working, and then it’s a dangerous game of unequal ear sound until the other one follows.
  7. Umbrella: The next big rainstorm. One gust of wind from the Hudson will be enough to push that sucker off its wiring forever, like a frat bro. I once had an umbrella break in the time it took me to walk from Duane Reade back to Plimpton for this reason.
  8. Disposable camera: One weekend. You will take about twenty pictures, then either forget the camera at 1020 or drop it in the toilet. On the off chance that you’ve managed to hold onto the thing, you’ll develop it only to find that you only took about twenty pictures, half of which have come out blurry or otherwise incredibly cursed.
  9. Sunglasses: A few hours. Seriously, that’s it. Put them in the wrong pocket of your backpack, forget them in a jacket, or even take them to a Columbia football game, and they’ll be gone by the end of the morning.
  10. USB/Outlet converter: The amount of time it takes you to get home, plug it in, and find out that it never worked in the first place. Thanks, Duane Reade!

Photo via Bwog Staff

Oct

22

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Are you really trying to miss out on recreating this photo with us

Earthlings! Because Lerner does not yet have a pool for us to gather in (ahem! @CCSC), we thought it would be fun to open up our own watering hole of Trader Joe’s Cookie Dunkers and Brie cheese to you all tonight. Come by Lerner 510 at 9pm for free fun! Bring your swimsuits, and remember: no shoes, no shirt, no service problem. Do not worry if you can’t swim (pitch ideas). Lessons and life jackets will be provided. ♥

Suck my intelligence and creativity via Infrogmation

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