Author Archive

May

11

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The sky is Pantone 292

This semester has been a big one for Columbia, from the graduate student strike to Barnard’s heated debates over the CUAD referendum. It’s been a big semester for Bwog as well, as we’ve added more sports, science, and cooking posts to our regular content. All of our senior wisdoms are up now, and we’re closing out the semester with our bi-annual semester in review.

To kick off the new semester, Bwog took time to remember the life of our favorite Mexican restaurant, Amigos. Bwog started its very own science column. Carman’s newly-renovated floors showed signs of problems as students lived without hot water and experienced other issues. We brought back our Cooking With Bwog after being inspired by all of those Tasty videos on Facebook. After months of endless whining, we created a definitive ranking of the campus elevators. We celebrated Bwog’s 12th Birthday!  To end the month of January, we broke down the statistics behind Columbia Buy/Sell Memes.

We started the month of February by going back in time to when Columbia Basketball won the Ivy League Tournament. Graduate students began to protest on Low Steps when Columbia announced that they would not bargain with the Graduate Student Union. Martha Stewart came to campus to give us her words of “wisdom.” President Sian Beilock was inaugurated and met with protests.

Koronet temporarily closed for renovations, leaving thousands of students without jumbo slices. We took a look at how Datamatch could bring love to this sad campus.  ESC made some bold moves and impeached its president.  We asked some important questions, like “Who said it: me about a dog or a Columbia fuckboy about a girl?” Bwog also took time to read some of your meanest comments. (Don’t worry, we still love our readers. :) )

March started off strong when we boldly declared that all the chairs are wrong. We also started a finance column, for all of your student finance needs. Meanwhile, up at the medical school, famous neuroscience professor Thomas Jessell was dismissed for undisclosed reasons.

Strikes, debates, and more after the jump

May

10

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As the school year comes to a close, so does this series of screenshots from the Class of 2022 GroupMe. We hope y’all enjoyed it while it lasted, and Class of 2022, we’ll see you on campus next year!

Dude, that’s so meta:

Prospies take exams, too! Dare I say, they’re just like us:

But between exams, they watched some movies too:

May 1 was decision day, so that meant more wholesome content™ in the GroupMe:

 

 

May

9

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Hope that was a donger!

“Baseball is the only field of endeavor where a man can succeed three times out of ten and be considered a good performer.” -Ted Williams, the greatest hitter who ever lived. Guest Writer Brian Smallshaw examines senior Randell Kanemaru’s hitting as the Lions prepare to take on Cornell in their last regular games of the season.

It’s a common question amongst baseball fans: how does someone determine who the best hitter in history is? Between the hot dog-fueled dingers smashed by Babe Ruth, the 4367 hits by Ichiro, and the fear that Albert Pujols inspired in Brad Lidge’s heart just thirteen years ago, it can be hard to choose only one player from over 100 years of baseball history. And yet, one player does stand out. Why? Because he managed to succeed four out of ten times, way better than a measly three out of ten times. His name was Ted Williams.

Last year, it seemed as if Columbia had its own college-level version of Ted Williams: then-junior Randell Kanemaru. He was just five points away from .400—an amazing feat in any league. In case you need reference for how tough that is, the last major league player to accomplish a .400 batting average was (you guessed it) Ted Williams, way back in 1941 when he posted a .406 batting average.

Halfway through this season, Kanemaru was batting well, achieving a .365 average. As Kanemaru’s senior year comes to a close, however, he’s hit a slump and drifted down to .309—a solid average by any means, but not up to the level of play that many expected going into this season. This slump comes at a particularly bad time for the Lions, who need to do well against Cornell this weekend if they hope to overtake Dartmouth in the rankings and head to the Ivy League Championship Series. If Kanemaru can get back to his junior-year level of hitting, the Lions may do just that.

Last year, Kanemaru led the entire Ivy League in batting average, outpacing Harvard’s Patrick Robinson by a full 23 points, even with 31 more at bats. And before anyone tells me that batting average is an outdated statistic and that contact hitters don’t produce runs like power hitters do, I want you to consider that Kanemaru was tied for fifth in the league in home runs (7). Overall, he slashed .395/.435/.625, which is good for a solid 1.060 OPS. Want more comparisons to major league stats? I got plenty. Last year, Yankees phenom Aaron Judge finished second in the majors with a 1.049 OPS. Right now, however, Kanemaru is slashing .309/.422/.473 which makes his OPS .895.

In order to work his way out of this slump, Kanemaru is trying to clear his head at the plate and go back to basics. “I’m just trying to relax and go back to my old approach, just like seeing the ball, hitting the ball,” he said. Head Coach Brett Boretti concurred that “A lot of it is approach, more so than even physical as far as what you’re trying to do—getting at bats, getting a pitch to work with when you’re going up to the plate.” Both Kanemaru and Coach Boretti seem confident that Kanemaru can get back on track. Hopefully he will rediscover the approach that worked so well for him junior year against Cornell this weekend.

Photo via gocolumbialions.com

May

8

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Bwog continues its fieldwork on overworked and excessively stressed college students, pulling three all-nighters in a row in solidarity. We may be delirious, but surely we can’t be hallucinating all of this. Here’s what this year’s finals have brought us.

Strange Encounters of the MoHi Kind

  • “Man crossing 113th alone with both arms raised in the air saying loudly:  It’s summertime! It’s summertime! It’s summertime! It’s summertime! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.'”
  • (at 10 pm on a Tuesday) “guy across from me in Butler just pulled out a bag full of three poppyseed bagels… he just pulled one out and bit into it… he ate a whole one and now he’s on to number two”
  • “someone random plugged their computer charger into the outlet at my cubicle when I went to the bathroom”
  • “Woman saying to her 10 y/o son in a heavy Eastern European accent ‘you haf to take your finals'”
  • “Got fully saged outside of Butler. If it really were expelling my negative energy, I wouldn’t have to take finals.”
  • The fire alarm being pulled in Butler & the subsequent reveal of students who would rather die than leave

A visual art major’s thesis on stress culture

everything that’s ever been featured in my stress nightmares via Bwog Staff

May

8

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Ah, yes. Finals week. The time of year when we here at Bwog get the most flak for the writing the most nonsensical posts. “This isn’t journalism,” you might argue. And you might be right. But great outcomes come from the smallest ideas, as someone probably once said or something. And this post came from a small idea: we misheard someone saying “campus figure” as “campus finger,” and we knew we were onto something. So, here are fingers of Bwog staff members as important campus figures and institutions. If you have a finger you think represents a figure not mentioned here, leave it in the comments below!

May

7

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You can teach me anything you want

While this anonymous staffer previously wrote about her torrid love affair with her TA, its time to give some attention to the big daddy in charge: the hot professor. 

As the semester comes to a close, my heart increasingly longs for my T/R lectures. With three days to the exam that I am not prepared for, I find myself solemnly resenting the classes I spent online shopping instead of listening to you spout out historical facts as the fluorescent lights of Hamilton reflect off of your cheekbones.

This post is not to purely point out your expertly crafted bones structure that accompanies your doctorate but is intended to thank you for keeping me awake and engaged during my senior year. Did I google all my professors before I took a class this semester? Of course, I’m a senior. You, however, exceeded my expectations. While I thought I would dread waking up for a midday class that interfered with my spin class, I have come to adore looking up at your powerpoints and listening to your melodic voice as your eyes deepen whilst talking about a deathly war.

Since I have four days left to my collegiate career, I have no other choice but to say goodbye to you. Thank you for entertaining a second-semester senior and allowing her to stare deep into your eyes from the second to last row. It has truly been a semester to remember, and I’ll always associate coup d’etats with your firm hands.

As you welcome a new lecture class next September, I’ll be sitting on my couch reminiscing about the times we shared; just you, me, and the 80 other students in the class.

You deserve that RateMyProfessor chili pepper.

Sincerely,

Your humble student.

Photo Credit to Warner Bros Entertainment

May

4

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Preaching to the choir.

Sweet, sweet Orgo Night was a lot breezier than last semester due to the Band’s last-minute change of location: at 11:30 last night, as 209 grew rowdier and rowdier, it was announced that due to threats from the administration Orgo Night would be happening outside. But the show must go on, so Bwoggers Zoe Sottile and Zack Abrams snagged some quality standing room spots on a smoking bench outside Butler.

If you were in Butler at any point last night before midnight, you probably noticed a lot more Public Safety presence than usual. We love feeling policed on our campus! Unfortunately, due to all that hullaballoo, Orgo Night was forced to move outside, and by midnight a large crowd had gathered outside the door of Butler. The weather was lovely, if a little bit sweaty due to the crowd, and public safety kept a path to the doors clear to let poor finals-crammers leave the library safely.

After a dramatic parting-the-crowd entrance, CUMB started the night by taking aim at Columbia’s favorite social groups: fraternities! Specifically, however, they started with the recent racist fraternity scandals at Syracuse and Cal Poly–a little bit confusing since this night is supposed to be All About Columbia. The timely material about Columbia and the recent Spec op-ed about racism in a fraternity at Columbia was the best received–“Columbia frats can be racist too” was met with much laughter and applause. Calling Greek life “more problematic than a Pennsylvania Starbucks” was equally timely and funny.

More jokes and the script after the jump!

May

3

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Alas! It was moved outside.

Orgo Night is happening outside of Butler because band members were threatened with individual sanctions should they enter Butler Library as participants of Orgo Night. Follow our live coverage below.

We will add the script after the event. Stay tuned!

 

EDIT: The script has now been added. Stay tuned for our review tomorrow!

Orgo Night Spring 2018 by Bwog on Scribd

 

 

May

3

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Chad prepares his shot.

You’re heading into finals, but the frats are heading into the Interfrat Beer Pong Conference Finals. Bwog Sports brings you the events of this week. Remember to root for your favorites!

Sig Ep: Jack and Craig (12-3, 6-1 Sig Ep) defeated Greg and Jonathan (8-7, 4-3 Sig Ep) last night. Although Jack and Craig just started playing together this season, they’ve been dominating the field. This week’s win extends their five-game win streak, and they’re looking hot going into the Interfrat Conference finals this weekend having won the Sig Ep league by two whole games. Greg and Jonathan, the second place finishers in Sig Ep, hoped to tie Jack and Craig to force a tiebreaker tonight. But, early on, Craig hit fire and then scored three additional cups, putting him and Jack up six cups to two. Greg and Jonathan never recovered and although Greg hit his redemption shot, Jonathan missed his by a mile, ending the game and their season.

Sig Nu: Tyler and Logan (2-13, 1-6 Sig Nu) upset Jake and Charles (10-5, 4-3 Sig Nu) last night. Jake and Charles, fresh off a tough win Monday night at Lamda, started the game strong, hitting three cups in a row. Tyler and Logan went cupless for most of the game, and it wasn’t until they had only two cups left that Tyler decided to go for broke with a behind-the-back toss towards the rear cup. Against all odds, the ping pong ball floated into the pool of beer and Charles was forced to drink. After that, the tide turned—Tyler and Logan hit cup after cup and Jake and Charles got sloppier and sloppier. Although neither team will be in the finals this weekend, Tyler and Logan will both be back next year after a whole summer spent improving their best strength—a high tolerance for terrible beer.

Sig Chi: Chad and Michael (6-9, 7-0 Sig Chi) beat Alex and Luke (5-10, 5-2 Sig Chi) in the final Sig Chi tournament of the semester on Tuesday. Chad and Michael have dominated the Sig Chi league this year, winning all of their games in less than 15 minutes. Alex and Luke kept it close until the final minutes, when Michael and Chad each scored on their turn and forced a re-rack. They’re seeded last going into the finals this weekend, but Michael’s game in particular has been improving in the second half of the season. He and Chad haven’t lost a game since their embarrassing loss to a pair of Carmen residents back in early March.

Photo via Bwog Archives

May

3

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Just when you thought it couldn’t get any weirder, it did! We leave the Arman content (kind of) this week to bring you a full-on, virtual fistfight. Read on for more details.

“Columbia is my safety school”

Rush Bwog! Lick Bwog!

…Here are some of their memes.

 

May

1

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Meet Shruti Varadarajan, this week’s CU Women in STEM subject, neuroscience researcher and Shakespeare-lover!

Bwog Science is back with CU Women in STEM, where we highlight the amazing women in science at Columbia. Today’s profile is from Shruti Varadarajan, BC ’19, who does research in neuroscience!

Major: Cell & Molecular Biology

What subjects are you interested in? I’m a cell & molecular biology major, but I work in a neuroscience lab so I’m also interested in the brain. I really try to take at least one class outside my major every semester, so I’ve really enjoyed exploring other subjects with classes about Shakespeare and Origins of Human Society and Public Health – I might try to get into related classes for my last year!

How did you get interested in your subject? Can you remember the moment that got you hooked? I’ve been interested in biology since high school, but I think I really solidified my interest when I took AP Bio my junior year of high school. Cell biology is infinitely complex and interesting and it really wasn’t hard for me to pick my major– it also helps that the Barnard Biology department is fabulous.

Most important research/extracurricular experiences so far: Working at Professor Rae Silver’s neurobiology lab over the past three years has been a really enriching experience for me. I end up spending several hours in Schermerhorn’s basement (everyone’s always surprised to find out there’s a lab there) studying the Suprachiasmatic Nucleus – a region of the hypothalamus that regulates circadian rhythm. I’ve done the Summer Research Institute at Barnard for the past two summers, and I plan to continue for my third summer. I also have a paper being published soon, so that’s very exciting!

What are your career goals? I want to go to medical school – and I’m currently trying to get through the application cycle!

Click here for Shruti’s advice and class suggestions!

Apr

30

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This is what you’ll be like after drinking this punch!

If you’re as tired of Beta’s jungle juice as the rest of us – be it how often they run out, its disappointing taste, or the fact that they still use vodka in 2018 (Grow up, guys. Come on.) – never fear. One of Bwog’s many talents, bested only by humor, is alcoholic debauchery (which, for the record, we do not condone for those underage readers). Bwog has the only punch recipe you’ll need and just in time for summer.

Ingredients

  • 1 bottle of flavored coconut, guava, or passion fruit Cruzan Rum (you can mix flavors, as well – don’t limit yourself)
  • Pineapple juice
  • Mango nectar
  • Orange juice
  • Sprite (optional, doesn’t really contribute anything. Just a matter of whether you like that slight tang.)
  • Grenadine syrup (also optional. Mostly for people who like to get fancy.)

Pour/mix rum into a large container, usually between a quarter to half of the container size, depending on how much liquor you want. You won’t be able to taste it anyway so it’s merely a matter of how lit you’re trying to get. Add pineapple juice. Bwog recommends this be the highest proportion of juice added. Mix the mango nectar in, followed by a few splashes of orange juice. Pour grenadine in for coloring or Sprite for an added crisp. Add a few orange slices if you’re into presentation or whatever – this isn’t Chopped. Serve chilled.

the only thing we drink anymore via Bwog Staffer

Apr

27

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IT’S HERE.

Friends, countrymen, Columbia students, lend me your ears. I come to raise awareness of the Varsity Show, not to praise it.

You’ve probably heard of the Varsity Show already. After all, the characteristic yellow T-shirts, water bottles, and sweatshirts have been all over campus in the past few weeks, to say nothing of the endless promotion on Facebook and enormous banner hanging in Lerner. You’ve probably already made plans to go, gotten a ticket, and even figured out how you’ll sneak some libations into Roone. But just in case you’ve been laid low by a mysterious illness or holed up in Butler, here’s the spiel:

It’s here! It is time once again for Columbia’s oldest performing arts tradition: The Varsity Show. The 124th Annual Varsity Show is an original student musical that lampoons this year at Columbia. Come to Roone Arledge Auditorium on April 27th, April 28th, and April 29th to join in a beloved Columbia tradition and laugh at this year and all that came with it.

Check out the Facebook event for more info and ticket links to each show. And if you’re in the balcony tonight, keep your ears out for the Bwog contingent’s inevitable laughter whenever Spec gets mentioned.

That sounds kinda ominous? via the V124 Facebook event

Apr

27

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The Barnard Academic Award recipients were announced on Tuesday, April 24th. Over 175 students were awarded this year from a number of disciplines. The recipients are as follows:

  • Abigail Feinberg: Faculty Recognition Prize for Distinguished Achievement in Psychology
  • Abigail Kempf: B.G. Segal Intern Fund
  • Aining Ma: CJC Grant
  • Alana Taub: Foundations of Neuroscience Prize for Outstanding Research Achievement
  • Alexa Pinsky: Foundations of Neuroscience Prize for Outstanding Research Achievement
  • Ali Oshinsky: Howard M. Teichmann Writing Prize, Peter S. Prescott prize for Prose Writing
  • Aliza Isaacs: Sylvia Kopald Selekman Prize
  • Allison Emmet: Lucyle Hook Travel Grant
  • Alya Al Sager: Intellectual Frontiers Prize for Distinguished Accomplishment in Psychology
  • Alyssa Furber: German Scholarship Fund prize
  • Amara Jaeger: Margaret Kenney Jensen Prize
  • Amarelis Raudales: Faculty Recognition Prize for Distinguished Achievement in Psychology
  • Ambar Kleinbort: Foundations of Neuroscience Prize for Outstanding Research Achievement
  • Andrea Jo: Helen Prince Memorial prize
  • Andromeda Urquilla: Barnard Chemistry Dept. Award for Excellence in Research
  • Angela Montero: American Chemical Society’s Division of Analytical Chemistry Award
  • Anisa Tavangar: CJC Grant
  • Anni Wen: Fulbright Scholarship
  • Aubri Juhasz: Ann Barrow Hamilton Memorial Prize
  • Audrey Crane: Lucy Moses Award
  • Ayana Renoldi Bracco: Bettina Buonocore Salvo Prize

Discover who the other recipients are after the jump.

Apr

26

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Per annual Bwog tradition, we sent a top-secret Bwogger to infiltrate the Columbia Class of 2022 GroupMe and find out what next year’s Columbia freshmen are truly like. Here’s what we found.

A Budding Columbia Romance:

They Really Like Making Polls:

They Also Really Like Arman Azad:

 

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