Bwog In Bed: Good Morning Edition

Bwog is struggling to wake up without a 9 AM final as motivation, so here’s some good news and tips for the day to get you out of bed and help you truly have a good morning.

Bwogline: Elizabeth Warren is leading a coalition of senators demanding the Department of Health and Human Services to lift the ban on men who have had sex with other men from donating blood. About damn time. (Mother Jones)

Study Tip: Call mom/dad/any emotional support figure in your life. While your roommate may be sick of hearing how over you are studying for your next final, these people thrive on you relying on them for emotional support. Think about it: your mom is just sitting by the phone, waiting for you to call in desperation for her love and care while miles away at school. Plus, talking is a cathartic exercise, and it gives you another half hour to not study/watch another episode of Gilmore Girls. What a beautiful way to start your day.

Procrastinate: Where the fuck is the cow?!

How Much Coffee Have You Had, Really?

The Aftermath Of Primal Scream

We are well into the Monday of finals and at 12 am campus got shaken up – no, it wasn’t Beta or its pre-pubescent taste in music (though these days it was definitely our first thought), but rather all of our fellow classmates screaming across campus.

Our angst and our stress were so well articulated last night that today has been a gift of sunshine and minimally-cold weather. We lashed out, we released all of our stress, and we gave Morningside Heights a fright, and we have been blessed with a bright day and hopefully good (enough) grades.

In case you were sleeping or hiding under a rock in the tunnels, here’s what you missed your crazy classmates doing at midnight:

Fall 2014 ‘Twas A Sporty Semester
I guess that makes him the best

Maodo Lo really pleases the away crowds

As you’re starting to become grossly retrospective about the Fall 2014 semester that has come and gone, you’ll have images of friends, fuzzy drunken memories, that never ending page on Microsoft Word reel through your head…and of course – your favorite memories of the Columbia Lions this semester! Don’t have any? Ross Chapman has done all of the meticulous work for you – pick any one of the facts below so you can go home and gloat about your D1 school to all your friends. 

Taking finals may be stressful, but it’s nothing compared to training for sports and taking finals. Thankfully, none of our athletes have any games during fall semester finals, but they’ve been busy all year. Below is everything you need to know about Columbia’s fall campaigns, highlighted by exciting basketball wins, fencing sweeps, field hockey history, and so much more.

  • In a very successful campaign, Field Hockey went 12-5 with a program record 5-2 Ivy season. The team notched its first ever win against Ivy powerhouse Princeton and peaked at a #23 national ranking. Christina Freibott earned a unanimous Offensive Player of the Year award for her nation-leading 1.24 assists per game and Ivy-leading 2.41 points per game. Coach Marybeth Freeman won Coach of the Year, and Zoe Blake, Katie Ruesterholz, and Lauren Skudalski all earned first time All-Ivy.
  • On the Men’s Soccer side of the field, the team held a record of 7-8-1 (2-4-1 Ivy), never losing an Ivy match by more than a goal. The season started with Rhys Williams scoring two goals against Michigan in a 3-0 home win. Francisco Agrest led the balanced team with 9 points (3 goals, 3 assists). The team held opponents to a .343 Shots on goal percentage, but was unable to capitalize on most of their 90 SOG’s, scoring just 17 times.
  • Women’s Soccer (7-4-6, 2-3-2 Ivy) put together a seven game unbeaten streak, highlighted by 446 straight shutout minutes, in the middle of an excellent defensive season. They posted nine shutouts and ranked in the top-10 nationally in goals allowed at 0.65 per game. However, offensive struggles plagued the team, and with second team all-Ivy forward Coleen Rizzo leaving the squad, other Lions will be forced to step up.
  • Men’s Basketball (5-3) has pushed forward without injured and unenrolled Alex Rosenberg behind Maodo Lo and Cory Osetkowski. The team scored the first 11 points against #1 Kentucky and led for a majority of the nationally-televised game. The team ranks fourth nationally in scoring defense at 50.8 ppg and holds opponents to a 36.9% field goal percentage, but is underperforming Ivy expectations with a 65.8% free throw job and 31.7% 3-pointer accuracy.
  • Women’s Basketball (4-6) has already won half as many games this year as they did all last season. The team is led by Tori Oliver (17.5 ppg) and three time Ivy Rookie of the Week Camille Zimmerman (15.0 ppg). The Lions pleased the fans of Levien with back-to-back overtime wins over Rhode Island and Bradley, helped out by a buzzer-beating three by Alexa Giuliano. The team excels at offensive rebounding, with 150 on the young season led by Amara Mbionwu’s 40.

There are so many sports!

Carry That Weight Protests Fine
"Stop punishing survivors and activists.  Be the leader on our side!"

“Stop punishing survivors and activists. Be the leader on our side!”

This morning, student members of the Carry That Weight campaign delivered a mattress to PrezBo’s office in protest of the $471 fine they were charged after the Day of Action on October 29, when 28 mattresses were left on PrezBo’s doorstep.  The mattress was designed to look like a mock check made out to PrezBo and was delivered along with a statement read by a member of Columbia Carry That Weight.

Although Carry That Weight will pay the fine, their statement criticizes PrezBo for his lack of response to the Carry That Weight campaign and argues that their $471, rather than paying the maintenance workers who dealt with the 28 mattresses, will “go into the bank account of a University that has silenced [them].”  As a final message, the letter calls on PrezBo to “be courageous” and to work with activists to make the campus “safe for everyone.”

You can read the entire statement—and see additional pictures—after the jump.

Senior Wisdom: Emma Tuzinkiewicz
Emma Tuzinkiewicz

Emma Tuzinkiewicz

We bring you our first Senior Wisdom for our seniors prematurely leaving us this semester and going off into the big, bad, beautiful world. Up first to share her wisdom with us is Emma Tuzinkiewicz who kept us sustainable during her time at Columbia.

Name, Hometown, School, Major: Emma Tuzinkiewicz (Emma Tuz), Darien, CT, Columbia College, Sustainable Development & Hispanic Studies

Claim to fame: I was the Co-President of EcoReps, Co-Founder and Co-President of EcoLions, the undergraduate representative on the Sustainability Advisory Committee, and the only person who posted a #SustainableSeflie every Monday for a full semester and won the iPad. Played on the Columbia University lacrosse team for one season…and then proceeded to tear my ACL the next two Septembers!

Where are you going? Nowhere boring!

What are 3 things you learned at Columbia and would like to share with the Class of 2018?

  1. Say hello to everyone. There is something magical about this cozy campus surrounded by gates. I don’t think there is anywhere else in the world where in a city as energetic and bustling as New York, you’re able to say hello to so many friendly or familiar faces. Whether it’s that random kid you met during NSOP, your CC professor, best friends, Dining Hall staff, saying hello to them will always brighten the day.
  2. As my favorite fortune cookie tells me, “you are busy but you are happy” and I learned that this is true here, too. I personally think that it’s the best way to be. There are too many wonderful clubs to join and lead, city adventures to take, and people to see. No matter how busy you get, “promise me you will not spend so much time treading water and trying to keep your head above the waves that you forget, truly forget how much you have always loved to swim.” No matter how busy, you’re school in the best city in the world.
  3. The Columbia network is amazing and will come up when you least expect it. Not only will you make friends that you definitely will have forever, you will also meet a fellow Lion on the 1 train who will have had the same dorm room as you. You will be connected to an incredible alumna who turns into your boss at your dream internship. You will have too many fun nights to remember and crazy funny stories with the awe-inspiring people you will meet at Columbia which you will always hold dear. There is something unique about the energy of the Columbia family.

Find out if Emma would give up oral sex or cheese after the jump.

Bwog In Bed: Sunshine And Rainbows Edition

If you haven’t had a final yet, we know today is the day to end all days. No need for Bwog is take up the limited space you’ve allotted in your mind to read words outside of those on your exam and your scribbled “essay” response in your Blue Book – we’re downsizing to Bwog In Bed to not waste your limited precious word processing skills and to celebrate the big day. Cheers, from Bwog to you (who we hope is still in bed, too).

Bwogline: We should get a MTA line running on Amsterdam Avenue that matches the design of this celebratory Amsterdam train station. (Engadget)

Study Tip: Have snacks at the ready. Nothing is worse than getting hungry and leaving your prime real estate in Butler to get a snack for…two hours. The two outcomes are that someone probably stole your seat and your word count on that paper has not increased one bit. Nutrition supersedes any grade on any paper and if it’s easily accessible, your body and mind both gain from continued focus.

Procrastinate: Who said procrastination can’t make you feel good? Take a few minutes (or more) and realize that the world is not out to get you, because these strangers on the Internet really want to you to be happy! And pass your exams! Feel better already, right?!

Overheard: “If there were a service, how much would you pay to be signed into EC?”

Oh, What A (Dark) Night (Of The Soul)…
This says it all #darknight

This says it all #darknight

…Late December, back in ’63. What a very special time for me!

It’s that time of year again, folks. When things get dark, people get weird, and the world around us begins to devolve into turmoil. Tipsters sent in the photos below, reflecting the current state of Columbia’s soul. Prepare yourselves for the darkest of nights.

Field Notes: Dark Night Edition:

  • OH in Carman elevator (12/1): “I’m starting to bring all of my textbooks down to Butler so I can start camping out for finals”
  • “Guy on the phone entering bathroom in Butler: ‘…I’ve been holding it in for a while…’ He enters a stall with his computer”
  • “I swear the girl sitting next to me in SIPA just sprayed some room spray (I showered today I promise it’s not me)”
  • “Guy washing his hands/face/hair in a water fountain in Butler”

Photographic evidence of the darkest days:

Have any more weird finals week pictures or stories? Send them to tips!

CUSS Presents: Drunk HERstory

To ease the stress of finals and the last days of the semester, Columbia University (No Budget) Sketch Show (the evolved form of Bwog Video) was kind enough to put together one of their brilliant videos to give us a couple laughs to ease to the pain. CUSS brings us a lovely yet embarrassing tale by one of our own fellow students, Alex Hastings BC ’16. Boobs may be involved.

If you love this video/love making videos/have your own HERstory, reach out to CUSS by emailing video@bwog.com or checking out their Facebook page. We may be biased, but we love them so you should also love them.

Cool Jams For Hard Times
Is this what you look like at Butler? Us, too.

Is this what you look like at Butler? Us, too.

Look, we know you’ve been listening to Work, Bitch on loop for the last week. Never fear: Bwog is here to diversify your considerable musical interests! To Demi and Jay, obvs. Here we present a finals playlist — one song to play on repeat for each hour of the day. You’re welcome.

Caveat: Bwog is not responsible for you bawling in the reading room. Proceed at your own risk.

8AM: Breakfast — Chiddy Bang

This is it! The day you change the world! Have some cereal or a Ferris omelet! Who cares if you have a day to learn a semester! This is how Einstein did it, probably!

9AM: I Will Never Let You Down — Rita Ora

Wow, there’s so much more in Principles of Econ/Orgo/History of Modern Middle East than you originally thought. At least Rita will always be there.

10AM: The Freeworld — The Uglysuit

Wow, sleepy. Most people aren’t even up yet; definitely okay to close eyes for a minute or two. Here, a nice, long, seven-minute song.

11AM: Come Walk With Me — MIA

What! Entire hour gone! Where is the coffee? Let’s MOVE!! Let’s GET GOING!!

12PM: 3,6,9 — Cat Power

The caffeine has coursed through your veins. You are a goddess.

1PM: Afternoon Delight — Starland Vocal Band

Lunch break/straight hour of watching Arrested Development on mute in Butler. Mood music.

Check out some more hits after the jump!

Get Ready To Primal Scream Tonight
O-face or screaming?

O-face or screaming?

That’s right. It’s already the Sunday before finals begin, which means Primal Scream is happening tonight. Maybe it’s your first year at Columbia. Or maybe you’ve always spent today tucked away in your cozy single with your noise-canceling headphones on. Either way, Mamma Bwog is here to prepare you for Primal Scream:

  1. Make sure you know the exact time.
  2. Around 11:55PM, start doing some breathing exercises so you don’t pass out after only a minute of intense screaming.
  3. At 11:59PM, open a window, go outside of Butler, or, hell, stay inside Butler. We don’t care. Just make sure you’re prepared to deal with the consequences of scaring those diligent studiers around you.
  4. When the clock strikes 12:00, do as Cinderella did and go into a panic. Scream. Yell. Shout. Just let out all of that built up rage and sexual frustration.
  5. Stop screaming. You’ll feel better already.
  6. Tip us videos / stories of anything crazy that happens.

An actual collage of people in Butler tonight via Shutterstock

Bwog In Bed: Happy Sad Angry Glad Edition

It’s officially Sunday, which means you should probably put down the tequila and pick up those books! Or you can pick up the tequila and put down the books. It’s really your choice. Just have fun!

Bwogline: To the dismay of horny women and men everywhere, Andrew Garfield could be replaced as Spider Man according to leaked emails between Sony and Marvel. (IGN News)

Study Tip: Maybe all that last-minute cramming isn’t working. Maybe you think your professor is the worst educator on the face of the Earth. Maybe you slept through ever lecture and forgot to learn the material. In situations like these, it’s okay for you to transform into an angry rage demon. Stress balls can be a great thing. Snap a pencil or two. Scream into those Tempur-Pedic pillows you made your parents buy you in August. Just make sure this is all controlled rage.

Procrastinate: This may not be exactly related to Glad® food storage products, but check out all the different ways people use tupperware. Do this with your Safe Search function off. It’s actually pretty interesting.

Overheard: “I don’t want to think about Fro Sci anymore. I just want to think about this margarita.”

Party Testimonial: From The Desk Of Sartre
Recent photograph

Recent photograph

Inspired by his dear friend Sylvia’s adventures of last week, Jean-Paul Sartre sets out to answer a simple question: is alcoholism a humanism?

There is no exit. The Gaze, the eternal struggle of seeing oneself as an object in the world of others’ consciousness, is upon me. Or perhaps people are just staring because I wear a turtleneck. Humanité.

My friend Chad, a brother of this fraternity, spots me as he passes by.

“Hey man, glad you could come out. I’m gonna grab a drink, do you want anything?”

Oui. A cabernet sauvignon or even pinot noir would do.”

“Uh…yeah, I’ll get you a Natty.”

He disappears into the writhing mass of bodies. Young women are flexing their behinds furiously. Perhaps they are convulsing from the revelation that God is absence. God is the solitude of man. Or they are in their death throes, consumed in happy agony by the futility of Existence. We are all slaves to the mort inévitable.

There is a young woman across the room laughing, with her blood-red mouth wide like the void. I will woo her. I approach her.

More ennui

Shit My Notes Say

We all have them. Those doodles and phrases that almost seemed related to something said in lecture, things that seemed at the time preferable to writing nothing at all but which later befuddle or even horrify readers. They’re the reason you don’t share your notes with needy friends—sometimes, they even keep you out of your own notebook.

This holiday season, Bwog staffers open their hearts and their notebooks to bring you only the most inexplicable mental mutterings from the depths of marathon lectures.

With Love, From Scrooge

Dear [insert name of someone you give literally zero shits about], So nice to see you [last month/year/who even knows]! Hope this holiday season leaves you sad and cold and lonely inside goes wonderfully! Love, Ebenezer/Grumpy Cat.

Stop lying. We know how you really feel. Here are some holiday cards for those special people in your life you just could not stand to leave unacknowledged.