You’ll never know who she is, but you’ll read her anyway. Send questions, propositions, and fan mail to firstname.lastname@example.org. Welcome to the Belle Jar.
I dedicate this Valentines Day to Lisa Nowak. Some people can go the distance for love.
Walking across campus last night, I counted eight guys and girls carrying flowers to their objects of love, regard, and obsession. Beneath scarves and ski masks, their eyes spoke volumes: “I’ve got someone, I’m going to see them, O’Keefe this motherfuckah.” The clock struck twelve, and it was Valentines Day. It was sweet.
Well, at least until I remembered that these people were probably in relationships. Close friends and anonymous hookups rarely buy each other flowers. Flowers are a big symbol. They’re innocence; they’re passion; they’re female genitals. That kind of baggage is awkward in a friendship. But LOVE, love knows no bounds, and that’s basically the problem. If relationships and the people in them could restrain themselves, today and every other day would be a lot easier. Consider the following a guide to being the two-wheeler that makes other people want to be your third.
Public displays of affection are endearing on a distant, detached, entirely impersonal level. You laugh when dogs sniff each others’ behinds, and maybe, on a nice spring day, you smile at a kissing couple. (Unless they’re both hideous.) But there are those who overstep these bounds, plunging you and your vision into a state of great turmoil. Perhaps, like Oedipus, you too reach for the dress pins. I like to go up to these people and gently ask them to part–leave room for Jesus. (more…)