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Daydream Believer

Dear Commenter,
Bwog likes your comment on one of our posts so much that we’re giving the comment its very own post.

Posted by daydreamer : [3] [reply]

Does anyone else ever fantasize about how cool it would be to have an “Econ Dept. Rumble Royale”?

Think about it for a second.

So Sachs could be giving a lecture in the big room in IAB, minding his own business, throwing down some Solow-Swan, when suddenly…

The lights go dark.

Someone busts in through the doors, smoke starts coming out of the sides of the room.

A spotlight falls on the man coming down the aisle in the pink afro and cape. He takes the stage, grabs the microphone away from Sachs, and then it’s none other than XAVIER SALA-I-MARTIN.

He’s pissed. He starts screaming at Sachs, who is by now redder than his standard plain color tie, and goes “You know what, sissyboy? You’re full of bullcrap. I’m sick and tired of you taking all the hot T.A.’s, of you having your own t-shirts, of you getting on the cover of the Times with all those celebrities. I’m challenging to a smackdown, RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW!”

Sachs is stunned.

He grabs the microphone in mid-air as Xavier throws it to him, and goes, “Well Professor X. What are you going to hit me with? Your non-existent Nobel, OH, SNAP!”

As the entire class bursts in laughter, Xavier charges towards Sachs, letting out a loud “Euskaaaaaaaaaaaaadi.” But then, as he’s about to pound him, a man jumps in fist-first and tackles Sala-i-Martin. Someone in the first row goes “What the?”, while that annoying Ukranian T.A. in the corner loudly goes “In Soviet Russia–”

As the man stands up, the crowd recognizes that the intruder is the man himself– Bono!

The U2 frontman unleashes a barrage of violence on Sala-i-Martin, who is left ailing on the floor, then high-fives Sachs. Sachs runs towards Xavier, who is now on the floor of the stage. He picks up a pointing stick and is about to finish him off, when from behind the main doors a screeching “Noooooooooooooooo!” pierces the air.

There, standing in black tuxedo, holding the hand of a mixed-ethnicity orphan, is Brad Pitt. He backflips and jumps down the aisle and gets to Sachs, then fly-kicks him in the face and goes “That’s for trying to hook up with Angelina, you damn dirty hippy.”

Bono and Pitt start duking it out. The class starts going wild when Xavier and Sachs pick themselves at and start bitch-slapping one another.

Just when everyone thinks it can’t get better, the entire Bolivian Olympic soccer team comes running in through the left side of the stage and all the fighting stops. Behind them trails none other than Sunil “Bad-*ss MoFo” Gulati, who simply picks up the microphone and calmly says “Let’s get it on!”

Fists are flying everywhere again.

At some point, someone runs in panting through the back and screams “Hey everyone, Bhagwati and Amartya Sen are having a closed-cage battle to the death in the Atrium.” The fighting stops again as hundreds of people rush to see this side battle.

Of course, it’s short-lived as Amartya Sen summons the spirit of “Old Indian Economist Man” and pulls off some “Yoda Kung-Fu” action on Bhagwati.)

The rumble then resumes in earnest. Graciela Chichilnisky runs out of her office [I mean, her non-office] crying (this seems to be the main way she solves problems nowadays), but as she tries to avoid the mayhem, a hand grabs her by the hair and pulls her to the ground. Standing there, in a majestic winter coat, is Susan Elmes, who tells Chichilnisky that “we’re going to play a little game (theory)– AND IT’S GOING TO BE A NON-OPTIMAL OUTCOME FOR YOU, BITCH!”

As the mayhem spills into the halls of IAB, Stiglitz comes in with a bunch of black-suited burly men from the Business School and tries to stop the chaos.

For a second, peace reigns in the Economics Department.

Standing tall, Stiglitz addresses his colleagues. “While it’s true that my Nobel is not for peace but for Economics, I must take a stand against this violence.” Stiglitz is about to defuse the entire situation, The crowd is mesmerized, hypnotized by the golden medal of the Swedish scientist dangling around his neck.

When he is about to call for a massive bear hug, though, the unthinkable happens. Undetected, Mundell walks in behind Stiglitz and bashes him in the back of the head with HIS OWN Nobel prize. “Alfred has a message for you, Joe,” says Mundell before body-slamming the bloddy Stiglitz “KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!”

In the end, everyone ends up in the hospital, except Bagwhati, who is dead, and Sen, who runs off to Mexico to avoid justice.

The only real casualty (besides the two elderly Indian men) is the entire undergraduate population, who must now take EVERY SINGLE CLASS with Marc Henry.

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  • that says:

    @that or he’s the only one with an ego so inflated that he thinks that his name adds extra weight to whatever he says.

  • wait...what? says:

    @wait...what? there’s going to be an identity verifying system? i can’t use the “name” part as a subject line anymore? i don’t know how comfortable i’m going to feel posting if everyone knows it’s me….

  • no seriously says:

    @no seriously what’s the inside joke? Did he embarrass himself somewhere and people just pick on him?

    1. no says:

      @no he’s just the only person brave/foolhardly enough to post here under his real name

  • hhmm? says:

    @hhmm? Who is tao tan?

    1. M.R. says:

      @M.R. “Who is tao tan?”

      You may as well be asking “What is the Matrix?”

      I would suggest taking the blue pill though.

  • wirc says:

    @wirc This post has somehow come to be like the battle royale and monty python. Really why do we need to make fun of Tao Tan when he does it for us? The best comedy is delivered as serious.

  • M. Tao Tan says:

    @M. Tao Tan Nice try “Monsieur,” but my M is for “Muenster.” Good day sir.

  • M. Raza Panjwanovicz says:

    @M. Raza Panjwanovicz All I have to say is that the “M.” is for “Monsieur.” And that I was tan before anyone.

  • ttan says:

    @ttan “Actually, I’m not going to post on Bwog again until the identity verification system is in place, which I am told will be early next semester.”

    In case you missed it, I’ll reiterate. Look at me subtly condescend to you all, informign you gently that I, Tao Tan, am in the know, and you, a mere plebian, are not. I am important enough to be told these things personally, which you only learn when I am generous enough to drop these hints.

    -Tao “Smugly better than you” Tan

    1. ggp says:

      @ggp OK spats, you can stop it now..

    2. spats says:

      @spats It looks like others are jumping on the “anti- Tao Tan” train. Join us.

      PS: I firmly believe that Tao has written every one of the comments bearing the name “ttan.” If anyone has the requisite spare time and overinflated sence of self-importance, it’s ttan.

      1. not ttan says:

        @not ttan There’s no way I can possibly prove that I am not Tao, but as someone who was among the first to use ‘ttan’ without actually being he, I am quite certain that he has not been posting all of these. I now regret having initiated all of this. Give the poor man a break.

  • overrated says:

    @overrated ttan is overrated.
    this post was overrated.
    econ dpt. is overrated.

  • DHI says:

    @DHI Putting together the names of people who are famous, people here who other people here like to believe are famous, and people here that other people here are aware of in one story is the best way to create comedy.

  • ttan says:

    @ttan I’m a tool. Stop copy catting me.

  • jollue says:

    @jollue I heard that about MEALAC.

  • sweet story, but... says:

    @sweet story, but... Marc Henry isn’t so bad.

  • yeah says:

    @yeah im over this

  • yawn says:

    @yawn not funny. overdramatized. try decaf next time and get back to your paper.

  • ttan says:

    @ttan i am day dreamer.

    1. ttan says:

      @ttan Again, this is the first time I have posted in this thread. The person posting above, as “ttan” is not me. Also, I am not “day dreamer”. I have neither the time, energy, or creativity to post such a lengthy work of staggering genius.

      Please stop pretending to be me now. Thanks.

      Actually, I’m not going to post on Bwog again until the identity verification system is in place, which I am told will be early next semester.

      This is the real ttan, signing off.

      1. ttan's cousin says:

        @ttan's cousin this is great; and it’s not just the econ dept that has such a storied past or such huge potential for invigorating stories….many of columbia’s departments have deep and dark pasts…. (some of them have pretty blatant political infighting presents too)

      2. ttan says:

        @ttan in honor of tao’s decision to sign off, i hereby declare today ttan day. bwog is not the same without the quips and witticisms of charm master ttan. so, for today, we should help keep the ttan memory (and name) alive.

        let us all be ttan today.

        1. ttan says:

          @ttan i like it.

  • M.R. says:

    @M.R. B@D@$$.

    Many Props.

  • heheh says:

    @heheh The econ department is a riot. I missed this post, nice of you to highlight it.

  • oh my god says:

    @oh my god This is possibly the funniest thing I have read all year. I will never be able to look at Gulati in the same way again.

    Daydreamer, reveal yourself! I see many great things in store…

  • I like this says:

    @I like this new feature. it will encourage more excellent commentage.

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