Aug

28

QuickConvocation

Written by

convocIn which Bwog allows you to feel like you were there without actually having to sit through it.

Chris Colombo, Dean of Student Affairs: lived up to his Sopranos-worthy name by welcoming all ’10-ers to the family.

Cindy Horowitz, head of NSOP: do we even have a pre-law major?  Sweet, but why is there a sophomore running the show this year?

Kwame Spearman, alumnus: kids and parents ate up his facebook jokes and smooth oratorical stylings.  Money quote: “I’ll tell you a few things after your parents leave… but we’ll talk about that later.”  Hitting on the first-years before classes have even started.  Good luck at Yale, Kwame.



Austin Quigley, Dean of Columbia College:
killed, as always.  With that accent, he could read the phonebook and the parents would be impressed.

Zvi Galil, Dean of SEAS: he envies you.  And when you engineers are bombarded with his emails, don’t say he didn’t warn you.

Lee “PrezBo” Bollinger, President of Columbia University: plugged Brinkley’s book review in the times before he got around to welcoming the new crop of students, but a very nice speech overall.  The hair looked great, the pop culture references were spot-on, and he actually uttered the phrase “just keeping it real, dawg.”  Gotta love an academic who can quote American Idol and be self-aware about it.

Roll on Columbia, muddled ditty: don’t feel bad freshies, no one knows the words.  And if you avoid pre-Homecoming pep rallies, you’ll never have to hear it again.

Convocation, a “tradition” started at Columbia four years ago, has been the same ever since: always too long, and always humid.  But you’ll never feel so welcome at Columbia.  Congratulations, class of 2010—Bwog’s happy you’re here too.

Tags: , , , , , ,

6 Comments

  1. hmm

    "Convocation, a "tradition" started at Columbia four years ago"

    Columbia's Oldest Tradition- Letting traditions die before reviving them years later in an attempt to appear to have 'traditions.'

    Most Columbia traditions only go back at most 20 years...

    No there isnt a pre-law major.

    Last year Columbo trotted to the podium, surveyed the crowd and boldly announced "I am Dean Columbo." I waited for egomaniacal laughter to follow and was disappointed. At no point did he manage to actually say "Welcome to Columbia Class of 2010", instead telling everyone what a wonderful group the NSOP organizers were and various other organizations involved.

    Then again, what did you expect from someone who's title is dean of Student AFFAIRS.

    I

  2. whoah

    has bwog enabled HTML?

  3. test  

    Has bwog enabled HTML?

  4. nah

    its the usual- if you have an open bracket, it deletes everything after. so don't try to *heart* or nothing.

  5. Anonymous

    I have now attended convocation all four years.

  6. R!ck  

    Oopsies, I didn't attend.

© 2006-2015 Blue and White Publishing Inc.