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CUSJ Antics Far Funnier Than CUSJ Content

cusj1The Columbia Undergraduate Science Journal has fired another salvo in their ongoing feud against Jester, claiming responsibility for the recent disappearance of 700 issues of the most recent Jester issue. They’ve placed the once-missing issues all over campus, and attached a message: “Jester Promotes Scientific Fallacies.” The full-page manifesto contains many of the CUSJ grievances, a sampling of which can be found on the (truly crazy, and we’re not sure if it’s in a good or bad way) website the CUSJ missive directs readers to.

cusj2First among them: “The ‘Liquid Issue’ is clearly not made of LIQUID at all but rather PAPER, which is SOLID. Jester should be ashamed for misleading readers regarding states of matter.”

Too far, or not far enough? Catelyn Liu reproduced CUSJ‘s damning allegations in full, featured after the jump.

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  • CUSJ says:

    @CUSJ ***************FUCK YOU*************

  • Hey says:

    @Hey First good prank to happen ot Columbia in a long time. Good job guys.

  • Alex says:

    @Alex Weinberg is currently on welfare.

  • Frankly... says:

    @Frankly... I thought this was hilarious, but I’m an engineer. Also, it was eight days too late for April Fool’s…come on, CUSJ, get your timing right

    1. Not an engineer says:

      @Not an engineer A whole thread of people without a sense of humor bashing the poor, benighted individual who does: it seems inexplicable, but only until one reads these enlightening words.

  • --- says:


  • Has anyone says:

    @Has anyone fucking seen how long this website is?

  • wow says:

    @wow this is hilarious… 700 magazines…

  • grad student says:

    @grad student did anyone else see the research study about the cat? i don’t know what cusj was talking about, i’ve bee n slaving away in a bio lab for three years and haven’t come up with anything that profound. maybe they should have used mice instead of cats, but i can’t argue with results.

  • ah ha! says:

    @ah ha! alex weinberg makes girls dry up faster than my bank account after a night at 1020

    1. f weinberg says:

      @f weinberg it’s true, but it’s not his fault, he has Klinefelter’s syndrome.

  • hahah says:

    @hahah Lave it to Jester/CUSJ to make my Monday interesting

  • Gustav Stresemann says:

    @Gustav Stresemann my lit hum teacher once said the worst thing in the world was having to destroy fun while deconstructing a joke. here goes:

    -Bethmann-Hollweg was a German Chancellor just prior to WWII
    -Hermann Goehring was a Nazi
    -Both would have mocked the Weimar Republic, with very similar language to that which Bethmann-Hollweg used to denounce the Jester
    -Jester=Weimar comparison is especially amusing, if you are a friend of reason and CUSJ

    1. Gustav Stresemann says:

      @Gustav Stresemann oops – Bethmann-Hollweg was Chancellor just prior to WWI, not II. that would ruin the point

  • Nicholas M. Butler says:

    @Nicholas M. Butler affinity for the fed is not a “normal columbian’s sense of humor”. it’s practically a columbia tradition to dismiss the fed, unless one lives in wien, in which case it makes for good firewood when the boiler blows. it’s also reportedly successful as cage lining for illegal dorm pets.

    “shit paper!” as catullus denounced the annales of volusius.

  • Yep says:

    @Yep It’s now confirmed, thanks to 31 and 32, that I do not find Jester staffers even remotely humorous.

  • I am so lost says:

    @I am so lost Honestly, this is so damn confusing for those on the outside of the joke. I don’t understand the Weimar Republic joke, I can’t fathom why Bwog thought it was funny, I’ve never laughed at a word in Jester, I don’t see the humor in the fake CUSJ rivalry, and yet I have an otherwise normal Columbian’s sense of humor. I laugh at Barnard jokes, I sometimes enjoy the Fed, and I find irony and sarcasm devasting.

    The fact that I get nothing whatsoever from Jester, despite really trying to like it and wanting to like it, really kind of bothers me.

    1. richard says:

      @richard Sarcasm is the refuge of losers. Sarcasm is losers trying to bring winners down to their level – and that’s step four in the program.

      1. Sarcasm says:

        @Sarcasm “Sarcasm is kind of like “stupid irony”” – Amanda Claybaugh

      2. isn't that says:

        @isn't that From little miss sunshine? In the bus?

    2. Dear Moron says:

      @Dear Moron I know you try so so hard. So hard.

      Maybe next time the Jester editors will though in some Barnard jokes for you, flanked by dicks and farts and farting Barnard dicks.

      Also, the statement “I find irony and sarcasm devasting” is embarrassing on just so many levels.

  • Bethmann-Hollweg says:

    @Bethmann-Hollweg What is “Jester”?

    It sounds like something created by a troupe of morons.

    1. Hermann Goehring says:

      @Hermann Goehring What is the “Weimar Republic?

      It sounds like something created by a troupe of morons.

      1. wtf says:

        @wtf This is exactly the sort of Jester formula that IS NOT funny. In fact, it’s kind of fucking annoying.

        1. romanticist says:

          @romanticist damn you CUSJ nitwits. there you go again, rationalizing humor from this world. first they came for the jesters, and I said nothing. then they came for the poets…

      2. Yeah says:

        @Yeah It’s so unfunny that the bwog staffers immediately added it to their favorite posts.

  • Frank says:

    @Frank their website is a ripoff of this guys

    1. I'm says:

      @I'm pretty certain the CUSJ isn’t exactly trying to claim that they invented the “insane raving lunatic” web format. They might just be insane raving lunatics.

  • Catelyn Liu says:

    @Catelyn Liu doesn’t seem to be a real person. She’s not on the Facebook and not in the Columbia directory. Plus that entire website makes no sense.

    This just gets more and more confusing.

  • Jester says:

    @Jester pays the price for their abuse of science!

  • ... says:

    @... if the jester can’t even keep track of its own magazines maybe they deserve to be stolen. the only thing think prank indicates to me is the jester’s blatant managerial ineptitude.

  • zzzzzzzzz says:

    @zzzzzzzzz jester=boring

  • clearly insane says:

    @clearly insane if you like the cusj website, check out its inspiration:

    1. CubicAO says:

      @CubicAO Hey yo, the user “clearly insane”, posting in this commments-thread, made reference to Time Cube. Time Cube is the truth. I want to point out another website, related to Time Cube:

      Hope it helps! I guess we all need to know about Time Cube, hey!

  • rrr says:

    @rrr Dude, Jester gets buttzowned all over campus.

    Gabe Morris for prez!@!

  • bogus says:

    @bogus CUSJ one ups Jester yet again!

  • Neil Flanagan says:

    @Neil Flanagan Why can’t anyone ever spell my name right?

  • screw osama says:

    @screw osama Neil Flannigan had a part in 9-11… I knew it was an inside job!

  • the Spec says:

    @the Spec According to me, the editors said they did not plan on pushing for an official investigation. This must be why.

  • Analysis says:

    @Analysis 1. Obviously this should be titled “Jester antics funnier than Jester content.”
    2. Nevertheless, Jester antics are not actually funny.
    3. Who on Bwog is also a member of Jester? The bizarre feud joke does not seem to exist at all outside of repeated posts on Bwog.
    4. It’s really annoying how Bwog vacillates between claiming legitimacy and aiding dumb jokes.
    5. Props though to Jester for getting Spectator to run a story.

    1. analysis says:

      @analysis 1. You know nothing about what is going on.

      2. You clearly say pretentious shit in class

      3. Who the hell uses bullet points in a comment?

      4. There is no debate of whether this is by Jester outside of the Bwog.

      In summary, sir, you are a douchebag, and probably more of an ass in person.

    2. lighten up says:

      @lighten up this was funny. where else would you be aware of the jester-cusj feud besides bwog?

      kudos jester!

  • agreed says:

    @agreed this sounds like all-jester. the cusj types i know don’t sound likely candidates

  • yeah says:

    @yeah yep, must hand it to Jester, this is pretty good.

  • brilliant says:

    @brilliant hoax or not, it’s about time we had a prank like this on campus.

  • mike says:

    @mike so… big hoax?

  • Holy shit says:

    @Holy shit That website is insane. I love it.

    1. it's all true says:

      @it's all true you guys should take this a little more seriously… i mean, cusj made some great points. the jester issue was solid, not liquid… i’d never thought about it before. you know what else? i noticed a distinct lack of knowledge of particle physics.

  • Theyve says:

    @Theyve apparently had some fun with Jester’s wiki as well.

    This has since been changed.

  • the website says:

    @the website is terrifying.

  • this is likely says:

    @this is likely all contrived by the jester. bravo jester! i love you guys more and more each day. you invoke classic college hijinks.

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