Campus now one big existential quandary

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As the weather warms and the tumbleweeds jangle their way down College Walk, a question remains: what’n the hell are all these people still doing here? In what could very well turn out to be the first (or, perhaps, last) of a series, Bwog attempts to answer this question–one interloper at a time. Our first subject is non-interloper Michael, who’s been valiantly guarding the vertical ghost-town known as Carman Hall.

Why are you here?

I’m doing what I do all year round–security. I act as a deterrent.

But wait–isn’t this building completely empty!?

At this point yes, but international students will be moving in over the next few days.

Creeped out by the emptiness of it all?

No. Trust me, when it’s fully occupied it’s hard enough. It’s like a relief for us now.

Anything you miss about the school year?

Interaction between me and the students. I see them when they come straight from high school and I watch them grow. I try to be like a guiding light for them.

Anything you don’t miss?

The noise. When you get five, six hundred people passing in and out it’s hard to concentrate.

Enlightening! More hard-hitting journalism as the summer progresses…

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  1. Erf

    Go bwog, providing distractions even without work to procrastinate from.

  2. gotta

    love the security guards! this one was very eloquent. kudos.

  3. groupie

    michael can play his sweet jazz to me anytime ...

  4. I really  

    love Mike. He has an awesome music collection he likes to share!

  5. michael

    i bought his cd and every morning i would listen to him sing "Sexual Healing" to me. oh michael michael michael.... sweeet sweeeeeeeeeet michael

  6. bwog

    please interview the security guard in Wien. You'll know the one I'm talking about when you see a white guy in uniform, looking like he belongs in a country club (with a name like Withington(?), to boot), blasting hardcore rap and reggae from his alarm-clock radio. I want to know THAT man.

  7. William

    You must be friggin' bored to be writing about this.


    also: i wish all the security guards in carman could have been like mike. some of them -jesus christ.

  9. Elna  

    Hey Bwog, can you recommend places for free food? I'm hungry and poor with my unpaid internship.

  10. jj5

    i loved campus security! even c. maxwell isn't so bad on a good day.

  11. michael

    aine (layne?) is the shit. this man runs the show in carman and he's a fuckin sick musician. maybe ask some more interesting questions next time - he's led a cool life.

  12. tumbleweed  

    there are more than twice as many grad students as undergrads here and most of us don't leave for the summer. that's why college walk really isn't any less crowded. you undergrads think this place revolves around you but it doesn't.

  13. Michael Layne

    is absolutely the man. He has performed live this year and last at the Earth Week-Bacchanal concert, and was amazing each time.

  14. postcarman

    why didn't they ask him about his CDs?

    Michael is AMAZING.

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