So to speak. “After these long, lonely months without a Columbia soap opera,” writes CTV producer totally independent operator Katie Simon, “we decided it was time for a change. Prepare yourself for Exclusion Suite, Columbia’s SECOND original soap opera, coming this January to an internet connection near you.” Get involved in what’s sure to be a classic piece of Columbiana by auditioning “Sunday 12/2 and Monday 12/3 from 7:30 to 9:30pm at a location TBD.”

Of course you’ll never live it down, and our lives have enough real awkwardness as it is–y’know, without the fake, CTV-produced awkwardness that’ll end up on YouTube and turn you into a laughingstock on IvyGate. But in Bwog’s opinion, this is but a pitifully small price to pay for immortality.

But wait: the real, CTV-produced “Gates” is also coming back this Spring, says director Davide Barillari! Word has it that Season 2 of won’t disappoint fans of college-budget, student-produced camp. CAVA, coke, drunken violence, endearingly cheap, on-location shots…been there, done that. An Afghan opium ring operating out of the archeology department? Now you’re talkin’! We aren’t ones for wild speculation, but we’re anticipating plotlines involving drugs, awkward romance, angst, booze, an asshole CC professor…and also sperm banks, genetic diseases, gang warfare, an intractable moral dilemma or two, and the discovery of chilling secrets buried deep in the bowels of Low Library. We can hardly wait.